There are a lot of people who aren’t fond of Valentine’s Day. Because they feel like you should show love to your spouse, family, and friends all year round, not just one day a year. I will continue to love Valentine’s Day because I love holidays. And I love the opportunity to be a little more intentional in the way that I love those around me.
But I’m with all of you who feel that your spouse deserves to feel loved and know that you love them all year long. So in honor of Valentine’s Day coming up, here is a list of fourteen different things you can do to show love to your spouse, no matter what day it is!
If you’re not familiar with The 5 Love Languages, they are the ways that we give and receive love in all relationships in our lives. The love languages were developed by Gary Chapman. They are quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. Once you know what your spouse’s love language is, I would challenge you to find one way, small or large, that you can speak love to them in their language each and every day. Start by taking the love languages challenge. It will help you learn your love languages and how to be more intentional with them!
Related: The Secret to Success with The Five Love Languages
I’m a huge advocate for regular date nights in your marriage. Date night is any time that you set aside to intentionally spend time together and connect as a couple. I personally feel that date night is a time to have fun together and do something outside of your usual routine. We make weekly date night our goal. We try to get out of the house together for date night at least twice a month. The rest of those date nights are something planned out and intentional at home after the kids are in bed. I would challenge you to define what date night looks like for you in your marriage and make it a habit again.
Related: Seasonal Date Night Ideas for Married Couples
Life is busy and it can be so easy to let your daily tasks and the “business” side of your marriage take over. You and your spouse deserve to connect on a deeper level each day. And to feel pursued and loved and like a spouse, not just a business partner. I would challenge you to find one thing that you can do together every single day to connect. And continue to date each other throughout every stage of your marriage.
We loved going on late-night walks early on in our marriage. Now that we have kids and can’t leave our house after they’re in bed, we’ve changed that ritual. We love to sit out on our roof or on our deck together and talk during the warmer months of the year. When it’s colder outside, we sit on the couch in our front room and drink hot chocolate together instead.
Related: 10 Ways to Connect with Your Spouse in 10 Minutes or Less
Do you have a hobby that you participate in together regularly? I know some couples who play tennis together weekly or who go to the gym together every morning. Other couples love to travel or explore the area that they live in. Maybe you and your spouse like food and decide to eat your way through all of the restaurants near you or cook your way through a cookbook or blog together. Some couples play video games or go to see all of the new movies in a certain genre. I would challenge you to find something that the two of you both enjoy and participate in it together. Study your hobby, participate in your hobby and enjoy your hobby together!
Related: Hobby Ideas for Married Couples
Many couples become so familiar with each other and that comfort is good. But I would challenge you to find little ways to surprise each other on a regular basis. Whether that’s surprising your spouse with their favorite treat, a date night activity that you’ve never done before, or even an adventure or a trip. Find ways to surprise each other and keep the novelty alive in your relationship.
Related: 9 Ideas for Fun Ways to Surprise Your Spouse
Physical touch is important in any relationship, whether it’s your love language or not. Research has shown that people need eight meaningful touches every single day. I would challenge you to take every opportunity to give your spouse a hug. It can be a short, brief hug or it can be a long embrace, but find times to hug your spouse. Hugs release stress and let your spouse know that you care and are there for them.
Related: Why Your Spouse Needs at Least 8 Touches a Day
Have all of your kisses turned into pecks, unless you’re in a more intimate moment? Do you remember back when you were dating and you couldn’t kiss each other enough? I would challenge you to grab your spouse and give them a long, dating days type kiss at least once a day. A lot of people grab a quick kiss on their way out the door or in passing because they have their minds on whatever they need to get done. Taking a few extra seconds to really kiss your spouse is not going to derail your day. And it will show them that they are a priority to you.
Related: 28 Ways to Increase the Intimacy in Your Marriage
Acts of service is my love language so this is something that comes naturally to me. But I think it’s something that everyone can do in their marriage. Your service can be something small, like throwing your spouse’s towel in the dryer and bringing it to them warm when they get out of the shower. Or your service could be bigger like filling their car up with gas and getting a car wash while you’re out running errands in it. I would challenge you to find one thing that you can do each day to serve your spouse and make their life just a little bit easier.
Related: 14 Random Acts of Kindness to do for Your Spouse
When your spouse is talking, really listen to them. Put down your phone, stop whatever task you are doing, and give your spouse your full attention. Rather than thinking about and formulating your response to what your spouse is saying, truly listen to what they have to share with you. I would challenge you to make this a goal in your marriage. And be more aware of how you’re showing up for your spouse in conversations.
Related: “What Are You Thinking?” – Having Empathy for Your Spouse
We live for our twice-a-year overnight getaways. For 24-48 hours, we set aside all of our parenting, work, and homeowner responsibilities and we just enjoy our time together. It’s like an extra long date and we love it. Every time we come home from an overnight getaway, our relationship feels rejuvenated and our love for each other is refreshed. I would challenge you to plan an overnight getaway or small vacation together, then follow through with your plans.
Related: Why Overnight Dates are a Priority in Our Marriage
Do you know what your spouse orders when you go out to eat? And if they stop for a drink or when they want a treat? Knowing your spouse’s usuals can help you surprise them with lunch at work or a drink after a long day. I would challenge you to make a list of the things you know your spouse loves. Then use that list to surprise them on a regular basis.
Related: 3 Tips to Have More Connecting Conversations in Your Marriage
Set the business of life aside and have fun together! Laugh at ridiculous memories, go to an amusement park, spend the day playing with your kids, and just take time to enjoy life. Don’t let your relationship get too serious. I would challenge you to take time to do something fun together every day. Even if it’s just laughing at ridiculous memes or silly YouTube videos before bed.
Related: 11 Ways to Play More in Your Marriage
Each week I try to have one night when I don’t request anything of my husband and just let him relax, do what he wants and play with the kids. There’s always a honey-do list and I could easily fill every evening with tasks and every day off with projects, but I try not to be a major taskmaster. Some weeks we take a night off together and we both go do our own thing in an area of the house for self-care. I would challenge you to plan one night each week that you each “have off”. It can be a night when the other flies solo and takes care of the kids so one spouse can get lots done or run errands or just spend time alone doing something you love.
Related: Do You Save Some of Yourself for Your Spouse Each Day?
Do you ever feel like saying ‘I love you’ has become a habit in your marriage? Like you are so used to saying it that sometimes you accidentally say it to random people as you’re hanging up the phone or leaving a store or something? I would challenge you to really think about how you feel when you are saying ‘I love you’ to your spouse. Are you sincere and genuine and do you convey the emotion you are feeling when you say those three words? Make sure you really mean it when you say it. And be thinking about reasons you love your spouse as you speak so that love comes through.
I loved this thought that I read from The Gottman Institute last year. “The term ‘un-birthday’ was coined by Lewis Carrol in Through the Looking Glass. It’s a day that’s celebrated on any or all of the 364 days on which it’s not the person’s birthday. So by all means, celebrate Valentine’s Day. Do something meaningful with your partner. But celebrate the other 364 Un-Valentine’s Days, too.”
Show love to your spouse on Valentine’s and your anniversary and their birthday. Take advantage of those special occasions to love each other a little more. But be sure you show love to your spouse every single day as well.
What are you doing on a daily basis to celebrate your marriage and show love to your spouse?