We had the opportunity to attend a date night event with John and Julie Gottman almost two years ago. It was an amazing experience that I took a lot from! One of the things that I remember being talked about the most was having more fun in your marriage and taking time to play with your spouse. Dr. Laura Heck, a Gottman certified therapist, asked a question that I really loved. She asked the audience of over 3000 people, “who is the center of your joy?”
Does the majority of the joy in your life come from your spouse? Is the joy that you get from your spouse centered around just the two of you together? Or does most of that fun come when you’re watching your spouse interact with your children and others? I was listening to an episode of Laura’s podcast, Marriage Therapy Radio, recently and she was again, talking about fun in marriage. She emphasized the importance of playing WITH your spouse, not just alongside them as you’re both playing with other people. This really got me thinking about times when I’ve felt like my husband and I are having fun in the things we are doing and the way we are interacting together.
My goal when it comes to playing in my marriage is lots of smiles and laughter when we’re together just the two of us. A lot of our smiles and laughter these days come from our kids and when we share stories about the funny things our kids have done. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I want to bring even more elements of fun to the experiences we share, just the two of us.
This is one of our favorite things to do together! We might go to a local comedy club, improv show, parody theater near us, or watch a special from one of our favorite comedians. We’re always discovering new local and celebrity comedians whose shows keep us laughing together! I’d suggest asking friends and family or your community on social media where to find the best comedy shows locally or specials you can watch on a streaming service or online.
One thing that can create more fun in your marriage is experiencing something new and surprising together! I love The Adventure Challenge and its goal to help families and couples have more fun, make memories, and experience something new together! Each version of the book has 50 scratch-off adventures that will be a surprise for you both. Next to each scratch-off box, you’ll find
Click here to grab your version of The Adventure Challenge for 10% off! Add The Adventure Box to help you make your Adventure Challenge date even better. It’s a date night subscription box to help you make one of your adventures happen, once each month. You’ll be sent everything you need to accompany a date you’ll scratch off and enjoy together. You can get your first box for just $19, and use this link to get an extra 10% off that price!
A little friendly competition can bring a new level of fun to your relationship. Shooting those darts with the kiddos is one thing, but playing against each other is even more fun. I’ll always remember our date to the local dart arena when we got to play against each other as well as on the same team. We had SO. MUCH. FUN. and it was fun that we had together.
I’m sure you’ve seen those pictures floating around social media with a note next to a nerf gun. The note tells one spouse that the other is hiding somewhere in the house/yard with the other gun, and the game is one. Whether you start your war that way or just set up a couple of barricades in a room in your house and have at it, play together, it’s fun! You could add an extra element of fun playing in the dark at night with a few glow sticks attached to your person.
Related: This Means War – At Home Date Night
When I lived away from home for college, we had an ongoing water fight with some apartments across the street. It was spontaneous, clean, wet, and fun! Is your spouse up for random water fights? If so, catch them unaware with the kitchen sink sprayer, a pitcher of cold water while they’re in the shower, or hitting them with the hose when they’re working in the yard. But if you choose to start the war, be ready for them to get you back when you’re least expecting it. This could be a fun ongoing game through the warmer months!
I’m a child at heart and I love playgrounds! Try to go to the park at a time when families and kids won’t be there. That way it’s more fun for you and not weird for them to see two grown adults running around without kids of their own. Race down the slides, swing on the swings, try the monkey bars, etc. There are fun parks near us with zip lines and unique swings. Create a list of the best parks in your area and work your way through them for extra fun.
It’s the simple things, for real! Make your favorite dessert or go out to get it and have it for a meal one day. Easy peasy, lemon cookie.
Related: Belgian Waffles with Ice Cream and Hot Fudge Sauce
We love playing The Game of Life together. It seems silly, but it’s a fun and competitive game, not on the same stress level as Monopoly. We followed the rules completely the last time we played and we learned some new tricks that made it a lot more fun! Pick a board game or a card game that the two of you like and play it together on a regular basis. Work your way through your game collection and master one game each month. Or head to the game store together every month or two and pick a new game to learn together.
When Dr. Laura Heck was giving her presentation at the date night event, she shared that one of her favorite things to do to add fun to her family’s day is to start a dance party. Her family has a favorite soundtrack for their dance parties. She said she’ll go down in the morning to make breakfast and turn that playlist on. Create your own playlist with your favorite dance songs and make a habit of turning it on. Set aside your other responsibilities and dance together for a while. You could do this in the middle of cleaning up after a meal, after you’ve had a hard day, or as a reuniting ritual for your marriage.
Related: The Ultimate Playlist for Date Night
My husband has this dream that when our kids are a bit older, we’ll get a big LEGO kit every year for Christmas. He wants to spend the week between Christmas and the new year putting it together as a family. Pull out the building blocks, grab the train track, or find something else you own that you can build and create together. Set up a fun town for your kids to play with or design a creation you can admire for a few weeks before you take it apart.
Think back on all of the things that you did together when you were dating. What things were the most fun or brought the most laughter to your relationship? Start doing those things together on a regular basis!
This activity isn’t necessarily having fun in the moment, it’s planning fun for the future. Make a list of all of the restaurants, attractions, activities, etc. that you have always talked about doing together. These can be simple things, like hitting the bowling alley you haven’t been to since you were dating or trying a restaurant you drove past the other day and didn’t know was there. You can also add bigger date night ideas like indoor skydiving or a fancy restaurant you’ve heard great things about. From that list, pull one or two ideas and put them on the calendar for date night over the next few months. Add to your list as you think of new things you’d have fun doing together. And pull an idea from your date night bucket list when you’re planning out your dates each month.
After you get married, you probably don’t make out as much just for fun. Take some time to make out like you did when you were dating. Turn off the TV, set aside your cleaning, and just enjoy being together!
At first, I put, “laugh at each other’s jokes”. But then I decided to change it to enjoy because there’s a difference between giving your spouse a laugh and truly enjoying what they shared with you. If your spouse shares a joke with you, whether it’s really funny or a cheesy dad joke, stop and truly enjoy it! It will be funnier if you soak it in and embrace its silliness. And your spouse will be more likely to continue those silly and fun moments when you enjoy them fully!
The times when my husband’s smile is the biggest is when we are doing something together that he loves. If I send him a meme or we go to Top Golf, he has the time of his life and I usually do too! Find something your spouse enjoys and join them in that activity. Don’t moan and groan through it, embrace it! Truly try to have fun with them doing what they love. And then plan a time when they can join you in something you enjoy as well!
Ok, so this is a big, not attainable everyday type of fun, but every couple should do it at least once! Plan a trip to one of the Disney parks, just the two of you, no kids, and enjoy your time together! We went to Disneyland with my in-laws a couple of years after we were married. And although we had our nieces and nephew with us, we weren’t with them the entire time. It was fun to soak up the joy that is Disney at our own pace together. Going with our kids is definitely a goal because that takes on its own level of excitement and fun. But for the having fun WITH each other aspect, I’d love to spend time in the parks again, just the two of us.
When we were in the NICU with Emmy, I remember laughing together every single day. We were experiencing one of our hardest trials together! We were under constant stress trying to balance life at home with a 16-month-old and life in the hospital with our baby. But we still found ways to have fun together every day. I can honestly say that those moments we laughed together and the fun that we had made that trial more bearable and helped me to see the blessings through all the pain. No matter where you’re at in life, you deserve to have fun! Make time for fun in your marriage and watch your connection and intimacy deepen.