In marriage, you realize that physical intimacy doesn’t happen spontaneously the way you see portrayed in movies and tv shows. You have to make time for it, just like you make time for other things that are important. That doesn’t mean that you can create more opportunities for physical intimacy to happen more regularly and seemingly spontaneously. Implementing these seven tips will help you create more opportunities for physical intimacy in your marriage, no matter your current stage or situation in life.
The most obvious way to create more opportunities for physical intimacy in your marriage is to literally create those opportunities. There is a lot of hesitation that comes when you mention putting intimacy on the calendar. But if you read the post linked below, you’ll see that it can actually be really beneficial for your relationship! Scheduling time to connect physically, especially during the busy seasons of life, is a great thing to do.
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While physical connection can take place anywhere that the two of you feel comfortable, I think it’s safe to say that the bedroom is commonplace for most couples. Being in that room together more often is going to bring more opportunities for physical intimacy to happen. Many couples push back on this suggestion because they don’t keep the same schedule or like to fall asleep at the same time as each other. Create a bedtime routine, even just a few set nights a week, where the two of you jump into bed together to cuddle and talk for a set amount of time. After that time has passed, one spouse can fall asleep while the other finishes what they have planned for the night.
Related: How Having a Set Bedtime Can Benefit Your Marriage
Physical touch doesn’t always have to be sexual and that shouldn’t be the only type of physical touch that the two of you share! Meaningful physical touch communicates that you care and creates connection in your relationship. If the only time you share or give meaningful touch to your spouse is when you are hoping to be physically intimate, you are not creating true opportunities for physical connection. Look for opportunities to connect with your spouse physically, but not sexually, whenever you are together throughout the day. This removes the expectation that all touch will lead to intimacy and creates small sparks that might lead to a bigger fire later on.
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I often find myself scrolling social media, playing a game, or turning on a show to watch mindlessly when I have downtime. This happens especially at night when my husband and I might have time to spend together. Don’t let your devices come between you and your spouse. And don’t let them squash opportunities you might otherwise take advantage of for physical intimacy. Set “technology free” time each day when you turn off or set aside all devices and do something together. You can go on a walk, sit outside and talk, cuddle and makeout, play board games, or participate in any other activity you enjoy together. Make sure the activity doesn’t involve technology that can become your third wheel. Focus on your spouse and being together.
Related: Four Boundaries to Set to Save Your Marriage from Your Smartphone
Date night is any time you set aside to connect and have fun with your spouse! Many couples choose to include intimacy in their date night plans. So the more often you’ve planned date night, the more opportunities you create for that physical connection in your marriage. Date night can also help the two of you get back to the roots of your relationship. That reminder of how you started can help keep that romance and flame alive. Going on dates will help you to create more emotional connection and physical connections as well, providing more opportunities for physical intimacy in your marriage.
Related: Why You Need to Make Date Night a Priority in Your Marriage
The two of you should have time each day when you set aside all of the other roles you have and focus all of your energy on your role as a spouse. This means no working, no school, no kids, no friends, etc. excluding any emergencies of course. I hear this happens in marriages particularly when it comes to bedtime for the kids. The couple’s alone time happens at night, and kids are expected to be in their rooms for the night so mom and dad can spend time alone together. Spend time together each day focused on your connection with each other, all other things set aside.
Related: Why Your Kids Need You to Prioritize Your Marriage
One of the biggest things that a couple can do to deepen the intimacy and connection they share is to communicate on a vulnerable level. This goes beyond talking about the bills, house projects, goings on at work, the kids’ activities and behaviors, etc. Being vulnerable with your spouse requires you to share a side of you that might feel scary. In some areas, it can be easy for you to be vulnerable and completely yourself, while in others you might be tempted to hold back. The goal is to have conversations that encourage both of you to talk about things you might not always discuss. Those discussions will deepen your overall intimacy and connection with each other.
Related: The Best Conversation Starters for Married Couples
Will you commit to taking one of these tips and implementing them in your marriage this week? I think you will see that these tips, when truly applied, will provide the two of you with more opportunities for physical intimacy in your relationship. As you continue to apply these suggestions, your connection will grow. And you will find that your intimacy will as well, on all levels.
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