I live for my weekends when I get to hang out with my sweet baby boy all day and Joe gets home from work early. Three days of quality time just isn't enough for this mom/wife, especially because quality time is my love language, so I decided that this month's goal needed to involve being more intentional about the time that I do have to spend with my little family throughout the week.
When you have a baby, it's harder to be spontaneous because our lives are dictated by his schedule. No more random late night fast food runs, no last minute weekend escapes just the two of us, and sometimes even our planned fun gets postponed. I came up with one simple activity that can be ready to go at a moments notice and is versatile for a lot of different situations. I'm excited to create more spontaneous moments in our marriage so that we don't feel like our lives are completely run by our schedule.
One of the dates on our Date Night Bucket List this year was to go to a drive-in movie. Neither of us have ever been before, but I'd heard that they're a lot of fun and I really wanted to go. After this weekend's date, I decided that it definitely would have been more fun in my teenage years or earlier in our marriage, before the baby came, when we didn't mind losing a little bit of sleep but we still had a really good time. We saw a couple of cute movies and experienced something new together! I would love to do this again in the future, but maybe only see the first show so that we aren't out so late. I should mention that we weren't alone at the drive in, we had Bensen with us and I thought it would be a good idea to share my tips for a successful date night at the drive-in movies when you have a young baby with you!
When Joe and I were dating, we'd sometimes go up to a day and a half without seeing each other and in the four years that we've been married, there have been times when we've gone 48 hours without seeing each other. Although our time apart in the past hasn't been extensive, it made me appreciate the time that we had to spend together. The phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has always been something that I've said to myself, but it didn't have as much meaning for me until Joe went away to scout camp for five days and had extremely limited contact. I probably still don't understand how much meaning that phrase can have, but to be honest, I hope I never do.
I know multiple couples who have been through counseling at some point in their relationship, both premarital and during marriage. The majority of these experiences were to help make their marriage stronger, not to address any major issues that they were having, and I've been told that it's been extremely beneficial. If you're like us, couples counseling isn't something that you'd ever think to invest in without a reason. Even without a big problem in a marriage, I'm willing to bet that most couples have minor things that they need to work through and discuss. Couple Checkup is the perfect resource for those couples who don't feel like they have the need to meet with a professional but still want to work to improve the relationship that they have with each other.
Even though there isn't scientific research behind them, I believe that use of The 5 Love Languages can be extremely powerful in any relationship, but especially in a marriage. Knowing how to speak your spouse's love language can help you make a conscious effort to show them that you care. However, there's one important thing about speaking your spouse's love language that I think people tend to forget.
Over the past couple of months, I've noticed that there has been a day or two, or even a few days at a time when Joe and I haven't had a good, quality conversation with each other. We talk about the baby's day; his feedings, his diaper changes, funny things he's done. We talk about the dog; the amount of attention he's gotten, if he got a walk or not, how much he had to eat. We talk about our schedules; when we need to get someone to watch the baby, when we can expect each other home, when we'll be home to eat together or have time for date night. But we don't talk about us, our relationship, and how we're feeling about life as much as we used to. This month, I'm determined to change that.
One of the greatest pieces of baby advice given to us was to have a changing station in each of the areas of our house where we spent a lot of time. The master bedroom is where the majority of our diaper changes take place, so there will probably be a changing station in there until we're done having kids. Because our room is also where we are trying to create an atmosphere of comfort and intimacy for our marriage, it's important that we don't let Bensen and all of his accessories over take that area of the house. I've found that two things specifically have been key to creating that atmosphere and making sure that our space stays ours, even with children around.
Since starting school, meeting Joe and taking on full time work hours five years ago, I've struggled to find the time to keep up a healthy lifestyle. In those first four years of mine and Joe's relationship, I let go of all of the healthy habits that I'd had in the years before my life pace became hectic. I gained weight, became sluggish, and was diagnosed as being pre-diabetic. Making healthy choices was a priority for me anymore but then I realized that leading a healthy lifestyle was important not only for my own good my little family as well.
It's been almost three weeks since I made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding and switch to feeding Bensen with formula exclusively. It was a rough transition for all of us at first; I was a hormonal, emotional wreck and Bensen cried a lot because his little tummy was upset even though he'd been getting one or two formula bottles a day already and we were using the orange container for gas and fussiness. After a few days, things got better and it's been smooth sailing ever since! It might not be the ideal scenario that I had in mind for feeding my baby, but I think we're all better off because of it.
A couple of weeks after Bensen was born, Joe and I were sitting in bed watching Netflix together and he said something that I haven't been able to forget. He looked at me, in all of my post pregnancy glory and said, "Could you please stop looking so good over there?" I'm sure I rolled my eyes at him because I was in my most comfortable and not very attractive clothes, I hadn't showered that day or bothered to do anything with my hair and makeup, and I was still a wreck (emotionally and physically) as I worked through my postpartum recovery.
Adding one sweet, little human to our lives has taken up a lot of space in my brain. I think about Bensen more than I think about myself, my job, school, Howie and even Joe. Right now, the things that involve the baby take priority over everything else in life, but I'm still set on making my marriage a priority, and I know that there are things I have to do in order to accomplish that. After two months, I've realized that parenting takes a lot of thought and most days I haven't left a lot of time to think about Joe. My goal for this month is to think about him more and be aware of how I can be helping him on a daily basis.
In 2007, Fidelity Investments launched a biennial "Couples Retirement Study" and two weeks ago they posted the results of that study on their website. I like this infographic breakdown of the key findings from the study. The statistics related to retirement are interesting, but that's a topic for another day. The thing that really struck me is the fact that 43% of individuals don't know how much money their spouse makes. This is 16% more than was reported on the study two years ago. An article about the study on CNN Money addressed the two things that I was most confused about.
For date night this past weekend, we achieved a goal that we've had ever since we purchased our barbecue grill a year ago. We finally learned how to grill ribs, and man did we grill them good! I'm already looking forward to the next time make barbecue ribs and hope it's soon! I have some tried and true sauce recipes from times before when I've made ribs in the oven or the crock pot before but we decided not to use any of them for this date night adventure. Instead, we thought it would be fun to have a grill off! If we were going to be experimenting with the grilling technique, we might as well experiment with the flavors as well.
Before Bensen was born, whenever anyone asked Joe how he was feeling or if he was excited, he would tell them, "I'm absolutely terrified!" He has taken to being a dad like a fish to water. The first time he held Bensen, it seemed so natural and he didn't look at all like someone who was worried about breaking their baby. Over the last two months, I have watched Joe embrace being a daddy and it has been so fun to watch. Watching him interact with our baby boy is one of my favorite things to do and I'm constantly giggling over the one sided conversations that he has while Bensen stares at him intently with his big blue eyes. They look so much alike and Bensen sneezes, stretches and sleeps just like his dad. I am excited to see what personality traits Bensen inherits from Joe as well!
A year after we got married, we finally got my wedding band figured out and I had it soldered to my engagement band. My ring felt so much more complete and I remember thinking that now people would know that I had sealed the deal for life. I love our rings and the commitment that they symbolize, but marriage to me means so much more than being committed to my husband forever.
Six weeks ago we started one of our biggest adjustments yet and we've been adjusting ever since. We've adjusted our lives, our schedules and our expectations and I feel like each day we have to adjust even more. Just when we think we've got it figured out, that baby goes and changes his routines on us. Life with a baby is a lot of fun and a lot more entertaining than it was without, but it's also a lot more time consuming and everything, even the things that don't directly involve the baby, take a lot longer to do because his needs take priority and his timing isn't always convenient
One of the things that I was looking forward to the most was introducing our baby to our puppy. I was nervous about how Howie would react to having a new human around, one who would take up the attention that we would normally give him, but it's been a success so far! There were a few things that we did to prepare Howie for the baby before he was born and things that we've done since we brought Bensen home to make the transition easier for Howie as well.
The past three weeks of my life have been a major adjustment and a tiring one at that. Sometimes I wonder why I thought this no sleep, spending my days feeding a baby, changing diapers thing would be fun, but then I snuggle my little mister and talk to him while he stares up at me and makes funny faces and I remember why I wanted to be a mother. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a mother because of Mother's Day this past weekend and because of where I was emotionally a year ago.
Wedding season is in full swing and there are a lot of couples out there planning their big day and preparing for their life together. Mary from Eat, Drink and Be Mary is one of those people planning and preparing for her marriage currently. Four years ago, I was just over a month away from my wedding. Today I'm reminiscing and joining Mary to share how planning for a wedding and a marriage affected our relationships.
You may have already heard the news on social media, but if not, our baby boy is here!!! Bensen was born Sunday, April 19th at 1:32 am. He weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces and is 18.5" long. His hand is always next to his face, he sticks his little bum out and stretches his feet just like he did while he was inside me, he loves to make random noises all day long and he's a great sleeper! He has so much hair, makes the cutest little pouty faces and has perfectly squishable cheeks. Bensen is a great baby and we are so blessed to have him in our lives!
Recently, as we're preparing to have our own little boy, Joe's family has been sharing fun stories about his childhood with me and I've been learning new things about him and his personality. After over four years together, I guess I always thought we would know everything that there is to know about each other, but I don't think that will ever happen, and I'm ok with that. I love that there will always be something new to learn about Joe, no matter how well we feel like we know each other. It keeps me on my toes and I find new surprises around every corner being married to Joe.
With all of the changes that we've had in life this past year (a new house, a new baby on the way, etc.), the future of our family's financial situation is something that Joe and I think about often. Money has always been a heavily discussed topic in our marriage, but with so many new responsibilities, it seems to get brought up almost every time Joe and I talk. As we think about the future of this little family of ours, everything that we want to do and what we need to be prepared for, there are a few things that we've felt are important in setting ourselves up for success.
Last month, I talked about how glad I am that the things that life has brought our way over the past year have made us stronger as a couple rather than pushing us apart. A comment left at the end of that post got me thinking about how glad I am to have a partner in life to share my joys and sorrows with. Jana said, "There was definitely great potential for our trials to drive us apart. But as long as we were trying and realizing that we needed to have the attitude of us vs. our trial instead of me vs. Dustin, it all worked out." I've been thinking about her comment since and exactly what it means for mine and Joe's relationship.
Over the weekend I read an article about some research that was done and it was discovered that divorce is more likely when wives have a serious illness. While I can definitely see how something like a long term or serious illness can take a toll on your relationship, I also think that if you let it, a situation like that could have the opposite effect and really strengthen your relationship and the love that you have for each other. Not only can a trial like an illness bring you closer together, but it gives one spouse the opportunity to be completely selfless and the other spouse gets a glimpse of how much they are cared for.
When something exciting happens in your life, who is the first person you think to tell? Do you immediately call your closest girlfriend or draft a post to all of your social media accounts or is the first person you think of your husband?
I will probably say this about every room in our house once it's finished, but the kitchen is one of my favorite places to hang out! I love doing homework there, cooking, and spending time with Joe while we eat dinner together. We've hosted a few dinner parties and I can't wait to host more now that the space is complete.
Four years ago, Joe and I had been dating for almost four months and had been talking marriage for two. I was not so patiently waiting for the day when he'd officially ask me to be his wife and finally put a ring on my finger, and I knew the proposal was coming soon, I just didn't know when or where it would happen. Both of us were in agreement that a proposal on Valentine's Day was cliche and wasn't going to happen, but on our date that Valentine's night, things happened that made me think Joe had decided otherwise, and I had reached that crazy girlfriend stage where I wanted to be engaged and officially able to plan our wedding so badly, I almost didn't care.
My favorite thing about this dress is the empire waist and the detail/slight ruching on the bodice and neckline. I love that this dress accents my bump and shows off my curves. I definitely don't feel like a pregnant blob when I'm wearing it, instead I feel womanly and gorgeous.
This year will be mine and Joe's fifth Valentine's Day together and out of the four we've celebrated together so far, we only went out to a restaurant on the actual holiday our first year together. With Valentine's Day falling on a Saturday this year, any sort of place you'd think to go celebrate is sure to be crazy busy! Joe is in charge of our Valentine's plans this year, so I'm not sure what we're doing, but I tested out a great menu option that would be perfect for a great dinner date at home if you're in charge of planning for the big day this year and don't want to venture out with the rest of the world to spend time with the one you love.
Earlier this month, a local man went missing and one of the details that they included in the stories about his disappearance was the fact that he had walked out after a disagreement with his wife and that was the last time he was seen. They also said that there weren't underlying issues in their marriage so they didn't think that the fight caused him to make a choice not to come back. When they found him a few days later, it appeared that he'd taken a turn too fast and his car went off the edge of a cliff. One of the first things that Joe mentioned was the fact that his last moment with his wife was an argument and not only that, but now everyone knew that their last moment together was one that she'd probably regret for the rest of her life.
Every time I walked into our house before we moved in, the front room felt empty and boring to me, so I decided to add some character to it. When people come to our house, I want them to feel welcome and get an immediate sense of the fun family that we are. A lot of front rooms feel so formal to me, and while they are gorgeous, I miss the personality and charm that I know the family has and I never feel like I can get completely comfortable and relax while I'm there. So while I wanted to keep this room fairly simple, I wanted to add little pieces of our lives to the room as well so that people feel like they are part of the family and not just a temporary guest.
While I'm trying to plan a lot of date nights out of the house this year, with our busy schedules, sometimes it's tiring and I'd rather stay home, but I still wanted to make those at home date nights special so I came up with a list of ideas that we can use to inspire us on those nights when we don't want to go out or after the baby comes when it's not easy or convenient to go out as often.
Some of the most popular posts on the blog are the Date Night Bucket List posts. I've loved creating them over the last year and a half, but our busy and unpredictable schedules made it next to impossible to complete very many of the activities that I came up with. This year, instead of creating a new list every season, I decided to write down a few of the date ideas that we've had over the last four years but haven't done yet. As we cross each date off the list over the next twelve months, I will write a post about it! I'm excited to make date night a priority this year, especially because I know it will be more of a struggle after the baby comes in May!
I am so excited to be back blogging after a month break and even more excited to be blogging at A Prioritized Marriage! I have been contemplating a name change for about a year now, and toward the end of November, I decided to finally move forward with it and never looked back! Like I mentioned a month ago, I loved Life with Amberly & Joe, but the content of this blog has evolved into something more than just a personal journal type blog and I didn't feel like the title reflected the goals and vision that I had for it anymore. Solidifying the new name and working on the "new" blog has inspired a lot of things and at the moment, I feel like I have more creativity going than I know what to do with. I can't wait to introduce you to all of the great new things that I have planned for A Prioritized Marriage, but before I do that, I wanted to share with you a little bit about my thought process behind the new name and what it means to me.
Joe likes to say that I just like to write things down and erase them and then write them down again in my planner, but it's oddly comforting to me to have a to do list and schedule for my day and to be able to go through and cross things off when they're done. I also have a hard time remembering things that pop into my head throughout the day, so writing them down guarantees that I won't forget to get them done.
