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Setting goals as a couple will ensure you are on the same page. Shared goals give you something to work towards as a team. As you work together towards a shared goal, knowing that you’re on the same page, you have the opportunity to grow together and make your marriage a priority. In this episode, Amberly shares more about the importance of goal setting in your marriage, how to set goals in your marriage, some ways to get your spouse on board, and more.
Happy New Year! I told myself this year that I was going to add video for the podcast. So, if you’re listening to just the audio of this, I am going to try to start uploading the video to YouTube. I am also going to use video in promoting this over on social media and sharing little clips of the podcast on social media, regardless of how perfect or imperfect I feel the video is. My background is not what I would love it to be, but it’s what works for today, especially cause we have a windstorm outside and down here in the basement and Joe’s office. It is the best place to hear me right now.
Also, I’m going to tell you full disclosure, if you’ve listened to last week’s podcast, my last podcast episode of 2024, I talked about some life updates, including the fact that we had to put our dog down the day after Christmas. Howie has been with our family for eleven and a half years. Joe and I adopted him, we got him as a puppy when he was a couple months old, for our two-year anniversary. And we have loved him ever since. And saying goodbye to him was so hard. So today I had like a really good morning and they called and told me that his aftercare, his ashes, were ready to be picked up. And I decided, ‘I’m going to go pick this up, all on my own’. And that turned out to be a lot more of an emotional situation than I thought it was going to be because I ran into someone I knew who had checked us in the day that we said goodbye to Howie. And I also saw a woman in her car when I pulled into the parking lot to pick Howie up; She was sitting in the stall next to me and she was holding a box and I could tell she had just picked up similar things and I ended up knocking on her window and opening her door and grieving with her for a minute and then just, just sobbing for the next half hour. And Howie is actually here with me. You guys, if you knew, this is my Howie. I love him. He’s going to say here on the desk next to me and work with me. And if that sounds just weird word is going to accept it and go with it. And so, if my eyes look a little puffy, like I said, we’re doing this video regardless of the perfection or imperfection that I feel like I have, because this is something I have committed to myself to add to the Prioritize Your Marriage podcast for 2025.
Diving into today’s podcast episode, I want to talk about goals for the month of January. I recognize that not everyone is setting goals in January, that not everyone loves to set goals, and that the middle of winter is not the best time to gung-ho jump into all sorts of new things. It’s kind of a time of, hibernation and hygge as they say, and relaxation. I’m actually pulling this from a podcast outline that I had planned for last year. The second half of season one of the Prioritize Your Marriage Podcast did not happen for a lot of reasons. And so back at that point, my friend, Jessie, who is the one who helped me get this podcast off the ground, had talked about how there’s a lot of pushback for a timeline to set goals in January. And a lot of the discussion last year was that we should take a lesson from nature and spend winter resting and reflecting and start things fresh in the spring with the rest of nature, rather than at a time when we are changing out the calendar for a new one. And so my friend Jessie does A Positively You Podcast. She’s actually in the process of starting a whole new podcast and rebranding. So I’m going to link you to that podcast episode that she had talked about last year in the show notes, and then I will link you to her new podcast Instagram that you can go listen to that as well. because she’s just kind of niching down and focusing on some more things and it is great. I know it’s going to be great, because it’s Jessie and I’m excited to listen.
That being said, I wanted to talk about setting goals in the next few episodes for a couple of reasons. The first one being that it’s a conversation that people are having right now and what a lot of people are doing January can be a good time to set goals. I love when I start a fresh planner, setting goals, new intentions, new routines, ways of doing things, just adjusting things that we’re doing. It is a new season for a lot of people. The beginning of the calendar year signals a lot of different things. Maybe spring is a better time for you to set goals. Maybe when the kids go back to school is a better time to set goals, maybe summer.
With A Prioritized Marriage and the Prioritize Your Marriage podcast, I always talk about how we want to be adjusting with the changing seasons of life. For us, we are currently in a changing season of life. Our kids have gone back to school after winter break. Joe, my husband, started a new job right before the holidays. We’re heading into a year when Joe is going to graduate with his MBA and neither of us will be in school for the first time in forever. And so we are going to be having a new season of life. We have a season of life without our sweet puppy and that changes our routines. There’s a lot of adjusting.
Whether you like to start goals in January or not, I want this content, this podcast episode, and the ones that follow to be somewhat evergreen. Something that you can come back to and listen to if you want to set goals monthly, if you want to set weekly, quarterly. If you want to set intentions for the year when the school year starts, when spring hits and the world awakens again, at the beginning of a calendar year. If you have a beginning of a fiscal year that’s in the middle of a year for work and it makes sense for you to do that then. If you want to set goals at your anniversary.
For me personally, I love to have big intentions and I’m always setting new things that I want to do. And then breaking those down into smaller goals, which we’ll talk about, and always have something I’m working towards that leads to the end goal, whether it’s a goal I’ve set for the year, or the month, or the week, or my life, or this decade of my life. I created a 30 in my 30’s bucket list. There’s always goals that I’ve got going.
The second reason I want to have this conversation. Again, I don’t feel like goal-setting is a one time a year thing, and I want to contribute to the conversations happening around goal-setting right now and set you up for more success in your marriage for the year and moving forward. So, we’re going to talk a little about goal-setting and I am excited.
I remember the first time I talked about setting goals for your marriage as a spouse and together as a couple, it wasn’t something a lot of people had thought about or done in the past. And last week as we headed into the new year, I asked on my Instagram, how many people set goals together as a couple and the majority of the people said they did not. Some people said it was something they wanted to do and a handful of people said that they do set goals in their marriage and as a couple. I want to talk about this because setting goals as a couple and setting goals in your marriage is not just about setting goals for your marriage. There are many benefits to setting goals for your marriage and as a couple. The two of you are a team, you’re partners, you are doing all sorts of things together in life, and you have a similar goal. Whether it’s for your finances, whether it’s for your kids you’re raising, a business you’re running, your household, what you want your house to look like, your end goals for your golden years and retirement. Having those dreams requires you to set goals to get there. Having a common goal to work towards strengthens the two of you as a partnership and a team. It gives you a purpose. It gives you something to journey towards. And achieving those common goals as a couple will help you work better together and will bring you closer together.
I hope that this episode will help you set goals for your marriage and help you set goals that you can work towards together to help you achieve the life that you’re trying to build together. The two following episodes, we’ll talk about types of goals you can set in your marriage. Goals that you can set as a couple for your relationship, for your life, and for each other, and for yourselves as individuals. And then I will talk a little bit more about supporting each other’s individual goals and making those goals, your own.But like I said, in the beginning of this episode, if goal setting is not something you’re doing right now, I hope you’ll listen. And then come back to this episode when you’re ready to set goals whether it’s your wedding anniversary, spring, etc. But also if you are not regularly setting goals in your marriage, I hope that you will start doing it soon.
Going back to why you want to set goals as a couple. Without goals how can you build towards the future you envisioned when you decided to pursue a life together? Setting goals as a couple will ensure you are on the same page. Shared goals give you something to work towards as a team. As you work together towards a shared goal, knowing that you’re on the same page, you have the opportunity to grow together and make your marriage a priority. Remember that you are a team, it’s the two of you against the world and you both have the same ultimate goal, I would hope.
What if your spouse isn’t on board with setting goals for isn’t on board with working towards something together. Unfortunately, there will be some spouses who aren’t interested in setting goals for one reason or another. Or maybe your marriage is not in a place where you feel like you have the same end goal. Don’t let that deter you from setting your own goals as a spouse, as a partner in this marriage to do what you can to make your marriage better, to do what you can to work to the wards, the life that the two of you have envisioned together and talk about. Listen to this episode and have your spouse listen to it with you, then do what you can on your own and within what your spouse is comfortable with, to make change in your marriage in the coming year.
You could casually ask your spouse what fun things they want to do as a couple this year. Ask them where they think your marriage can improve and what they want to work on accomplishing as a couple. Then find out what goals they have for themselves personally. From that create a conversation around their answers and make plans with them and notes for yourself so you can hold your team, the two of you as partners, accountable. Your spouse may come around to the idea of goal-setting or they may be willing to casually set goals when they see the change it makes. Some couples sit down and plan their whole year out and have a whole entire weekend of goal-setting. It doesn’t have to be like that. But you can still work towards things together and set goals formally or informally.
How should you set goals together as a couple? My biggest tip when setting goals as a couple is to communicate to connect. When you are communicating to connect and with curiosity, listening and hearing each other is almost as important as sharing your own thoughts. Be open to hearing what each other has to say and where you each see opportunities for growth as well as what the pain points may be in your marriage. Sit down together where and when you have uninterrupted time to talk and plan. I’ve seen some couples get away together for 24 hours or a weekend, like I mentioned, go out on a date or schedule a date at home. You might even take some time off work while the kids are in school. It might just be a quick casual conversation that you have during a marriage meeting, on the weekend, When you’re out on a date, and when you’re hanging out together at the dinner table. Whatever sets you up for an enjoyable, productive goal setting session together is what you should do. I wanted to provide you with some steps for setting goals. I will also link, in the show notes, some posts that I have that help you to set goals and have ideas for goals you can set and where to start, but here are some steps to get you started.
The first thing you want to do is discuss areas of your marriage, areas of your lives together. that have room for improvement, things that you want to do together, ways you want to improve in other areas where you function as a team, such as parenting. Think of this as a big brainstorming slash brain dump session. Maybe you want to work on dating each other again. Or you might want to improve your communication. Make a list of those things that you want to improve on. Not all of your goals have to be relationship improvement focused. Like I said, you might have a goal of going on more trips together or complete projects that you’ve been talking about doing forever. The sky is the limit. You won’t want to tackle everything at once. Maybe some of those goals are for future years. But having everything written down will give you somewhere to start and get you on the same page and see everything that you want to accomplish together and can motivate you to set these goals and get working on them.
The second step is to pick the things that you want to work on first. I would suggest picking one thing to do to improve your relationship. One way you can add more fun to your lives. One way you will support each other with your personal goals, which we’ll talk about in a future episode deeper. And one thing you want to accomplish together. Once you have made changes to work towards your goal and have made them routine, you can come back to the list and add things.
My third step is, determine what you need to do to make your chosen improvements and your timeline. You’re not just going to set a goal and say, we want to save $10,000 this year in the bank. How are you going to do that? We’re talking about setting S.M.A.R.T. goals here. S M A R T stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based. So I don’t make this episode overly long, I will link to a post on my site all about smart goals and setting smart goals in marriage. But you want to be open and willing to hear your spouse’s ideas. They might have a different perspective than you. For example, more date nights might look different as far as quantity of dates, frequency of dates, even what the date is. Both of your thoughts are valuable and your concerns and proposed improvements for your relationship are valid. And it’s important to realize you both have the same goal and you just need to come to an agreement or maybe pull in multiple ways that you are going to make that goal a reality.
My fourth tip for you is to set mini milestones to help you reach your end goals. Goals can be daunting if you don’t break them down into smaller goals. When do you want to complete your goals by? If you’ve set a goal in your marriage to build up your savings to a specific amount, like I mentioned, that large thump can seem out of reach. Break that sum down into monthly increments based on the timeline of your goal. Then determine what you would need to do each month to be able to set that amount aside. Maybe that means eating out less using gift cards for date night, or even having a month where you don’t spend any extra money, like no spend November. Whatever your goal or timeline is, make it more doable by breaking it into smaller, more attainable goals and determining if your timeline is actually realistic based on what that looks like in your lives. When you’ve accomplished what you’ve set out to do, you’ll be surprised by how easy it was, because you took small bites
And my last tip, work together as a team. This might be the most important tip for setting and achieving goals as a couple. As you work toward achieving your goals, remember that you are in this together. Your purpose when setting goals should not be to become a better person than your spouse. But to become better individuals together and consequently become a better team. If your partner is doing something that hinders the progress that you are making on your goals, be sure to talk to them about it. But keep that teammate perspective in mind, and that your end goal is the same.
I want to talk a little bit about reassessing goals in your marriage. I will be diving more into reassessing and following up your goals in one other future, but I feel it’s also important to add to today’s conversation. You cannot set a goal and put actions towards it but never think or talk too much about it again and hope for it to be completed successfully. Just like you would check in with a music teacher each week while learning to play an instrument and receive feedback, guidance and assignments for the next week based on where you’re at and where you need to go next, you should do the same for your goals. Weekly marriage meetings, quarterly check-in dates, and milestones such as your anniversary or birthdays, provide great opportunities to evaluate where you are at, what you’ve done, and what you need to do next, as well as how to stay on track with completing your goals. That might even mean setting a more realistic timeline based on your progress and capabilities from when you set the goals to since you’ve been working on them. I will link to the bonus episode I’ve recorded on this topic when it goes live at the end of the month, so you’ll find it in the show notes, but I’m going to dive deep into reassessing goals and reevaluating and refocusing.
In the show notes, you will find a link to a great marriage and family goals printable guide that gives you a good outline that will help you work through setting those goals together. You will also find a link to the posts that I mentioned. One goes into types of goals 7ou might set as a couple and has 15 ideas for goals that you can set as a couple in the new year, but really any time of year. Another one talks about some great anniversary traditions, which includes goal setting for your anniversary. And another post that I will link talks about having that weekly check-in meeting a marriage meeting. And that has a place in there where you can talk about your goals.
So, whether you are sending goals this month or not, for the new year, I hope you will set one goal for your marriage together as a couple. And I hope that you will start talking about this and brainstorming what goals you want to set. Then come join the conversation over on social media; Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok; on what goals you are setting for your marriage and what goals you are setting for your lives together, and what goals you are setting as individuals, and how you’re working towards them and supporting each other in your shared and individual goals.
Again, happy 2025! I’m really excited to continue to bring you episodes of the Prioritize Your Marriage podcast. I have a lot of exciting things planned for Prioritize Your Marriage and the A Prioritized Marriage community, more guests interviews coming, and some really fun activities I hope you’ll be excited about in 2025.