When it comes to setting marriage goals, there are a lot of couples who want to set goals to improve their relationship, but they don’t know where to start. It can be overwhelming to pick one or two areas where you want to improve and set goals as a couple to become better. It can be hard to decide which areas you want to improve in. And then agree on the goals you want to set to make those improvements. If you’re one of those couples, stuck in the rut of what goals to set together, this post is for you! I hope that the ideas listed below will help you set some quality goals that you can work towards and have fun achieving as a couple!
Related: The One Secret to Successful Goal Setting as a Couple
There are two different ways that you can set goals for your marriage relationship. The most obvious way to set goals for your relationship is to set goals as a couple. But you can also set your own personal goals on your own that will benefit your relationship. I’m a huge advocate of couples setting goals they can work on together and that will improve their marriage in the long run. There is also something to be said for working on your own, to improve your side of the relationship and become a better spouse. It would be great if you could have a combination of both types of goals to get the best results.
I suggest setting SMART goals for your marriage! When setting any goal, whether it’s on your own or as a couple, SMART goals ensure you will have the greatest success! I also encourage couples to ensure that their goals are built on something they value. This way there is more motivation to work toward that thing that you want to achieve. It’s also important to set goals that are realistic and attainable but that still stretch you as a couple. Take things a step further than what you’re already doing, be willing to step outside your comfort zone, and grow!
Related: How to Set the Best Goals for Your Marriage
Limiting the time you spend with technology will create more opportunities for the two of you to connect. This might look like having technology-free time for a set amount of time each day. It could be bedtime for all of your devices, so you can truly enjoy your time together. Or you could agree to set daily limits for the apps that steal your attention away most often. You could take things further and make the master suite a technology-free zone. Remove the TV, let your phones charge in another room at night, and invest in old-school alarm clocks, etc.
Find ways to deepen your conversations together and connect beyond the “business” side of marriage. “Business” means finances, kids, work, house repairs, etc. Invest in one of these conversation resources, to help you dive deeper into your relationship.
Related: Conversation Starters for Married Couples
It can be easy to fill your day with to-dos and other responsibilities. Don’t forget to commit some time to your marriage! We love to turn a couple of nights a week into mini-dates after the kids are in bed (Check out The Adventure Challenge Mini Dates). There will always be adult responsibilities. But the two of you need and deserve time to have fun together regularly, and not just when you go on a date.
Related: 10 Ways to Connect with Your Spouse in 10 Minutes or Less
This could look like a dance party in the kitchen while you clean up dinner each night. It could be sharing a drink at the end of the day. Or start your day together with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. Maybe the two of you make a fun snack (ie loaded nachos, flavored popcorn, cookies) to enjoy once a week while sitting down to look over your budget, plan your week, and talk about the state of your marriage. Or you could celebrate the end of a long work day and/or hard parenting day by sitting next to each other and watching funny YouTube videos or clips from your favorite comedian.
This is such a simple goal, but so important! Having fun together can work wonders in your marriage, and laughing does so much good for your soul. Share a funny experience that happened to you during your day. Watch a clip from one of your favorite comedians. Save and watch a funny video that you saw shared on social media. Text each other memes that describe your day. Whatever speaks to your sense of humor, strive for it daily!
The intimacy lifestyle was created by Tony and Alisa of One Extraordinary Marriage. This is a great system to make intimacy a priority in your marriage during the busiest times in your life. A lot of couples shy away from scheduling sex for many reasons. But it has many benefits, especially for such an important part of your marriage.
Intimacy is more than just the physical that people always think about. Intimacy is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Make a goal to increase intimacy in other areas of your marriage. This includes emotional, intellectual, spiritual, recreational, financial, and physical. Click here for 28 ideas to help you increase the intimacy in your marriage.
Related: 22 Ways to Increase the Intimacy in Your Marriage
We try to get away together at least twice a year. We book a room at our favorite bed and breakfast, leave the kids with family, plan a few date night activities, and enjoy 24 hours together away from all of our responsibilities. It’s amazing how connected and in love, we feel when we get back from one of these getaways. Time away together, on a sort of extended date, has become crucial for our marriage each year. And it helps increase our intimacy and connection with each other.
This will look different for every couple. Maybe you’re in a place where you can hire a sitter weekly and go out together on the same day every week, which is awesome! Or maybe regular date nights for you looks like going out monthly or even quarterly. I would also suggest that regular date night includes doing something together that increases your connection and allows you to have fun together, on those weeks when you can’t get out of the house without the kids together. As much as I love and encourage time together away from all of your other responsibilities, at-home date nights can be just as connecting and beneficial for your marriage as those out-of-the-house dates.
Related: At-Home Dates are Date Night Too
At-home date nights are important for weeks when you can’t get out together. I know that not every couple can get out of the house together weekly, for one reason or another. But I have good news for you because you can connect and have just as good a time at home as you would out on the town!
Since we became parents, at-home date nights have become our favorite. We get creative and step a little outside our normal nightly routine and just have fun together and enjoy each other’s company at home. We love to do things like date night subscription boxes, making food together, watching a movie we didn’t get to see in theaters, playing a game, having a taste of some sort of food, or even just relaxing in the tub while we watch a movie. Get creative and make sure you’re planning time each week to date each other!
Related: The Best Date Night Subscription Boxes
This is a goal that we have for the year because our at-home date night weeks have become nights when we fall back on our routine because we’re just “too tired”. Get out of your daily routine, and do something fun and different together. Date each other, get to know each other, and experience new things together! Whether it’s watching a new movie and grabbing takeout from somewhere you’ve never been before, having a video game competition, or setting up camp in your house or backyard and doing all of the things you would do if you were camping in the mountains. Make those date nights just as special as the things you do together when you go out.
Related: Tips for Making Date Night at Home More Intentional
Take the love languages test together to find out which one is your spouse’s. Then ask them what things you can do to show love to them in a way that they recognize and appreciate. Make a note on your phone of those things and strive every day to do one thing that speaks love to them in a way they understand.
Recognize and appreciate the times when your spouse is showing love to you using their own love language. A lot of people assume and expect that after their spouse knows their love language, they’ll always show love to them in that way. But the truth is, we all show and receive love in different ways, and some things just come naturally to us. Be aware of the ways that your spouse naturally expresses love. Watch for them to do those things, and appreciate them. Your marriage will grow and there will be less resentment when you approach the love languages this way.
Related: The Secret to Success with the Five Love Languages
In our first full year of marriage, we set this goal. We worked hard to cut our spending, make a little extra cash when possible, and make a serious dent in our debt each month. It felt satisfying to accomplish something so big together, and although it got frustrating at times and felt like we might not make it, in the end, we got to celebrate that we were able to do it together!
Related: Viewing Debt as ‘Ours’ vs. ‘Mine’ and ‘Yours’ in Marriage
After your debt is paid off, you get to use all of your extra money to save for anything you want. You might set a goal to save for a down payment towards your first house, save to make some major renovations to the house you currently live in, or even build your dream home in the future. Maybe you want to make a smaller purchase this year like a new car, a fun vacation, some furniture for your home, etc. We’ve loved the years when we got to purchase a new grill, a nice smoker, a new bed, etc.
There are so many other goals that you can set to benefit your marriage this year. But I hope these ideas will help get you started and get those ideas flowing. It doesn’t matter what goals you set for your marriage or how many you set. What matters is that the goals you DO set are going to strengthen your relationship, make your marriage better, and push the two of you outside your comfort zone so you can grow and learn together.