Two years ago, I was in a really negative place. I was struggling with a lot of things in my life, and one of those was my attitude. Consequently, I tended to only see the negative in my husband and my marriage. I was constantly noticing the things my husband wasn’t doing and the things that my marriage wasn’t. I was frustrated when my husband had to work more hours than normal. Annoyed when I had to do all of the housework at the end of the day after working full time and getting the kids to bed. And I was grumpy about life overall.
I’ve done a lot of work on my mental health and self-development in the last two years. And those two things have made a big difference in my outlook on life. Changing the outside things that were making life a struggle made it easier to be positive. But if I’m being totally honest, the biggest changes I’ve made have been within myself. I had to make the choice to initiate a change in attitude for myself. A positive attitude and a happier outlook on life has allowed me to be happy and less grumpy when life throws a wrench in my carefully laid plans. The relationship that I have with myself is better. I love the roles I play in my life rather than dreading them. And the relationship that I have with my husband is so much better.
If I could give you three suggestions for a change in attitude and a more positive outlook on life, they would be the ones listed below. I don’t think that you should use these to overlook really issues with your relationship or your mental health. And I will be honest, this doesn’t make life perfect. But these have definitely helped me to be more positive and move forward with a happier attitude when I’m faced with a challenge or struggling with my mental health.
I started a gratitude journal at the beginning of this year and it has been a game changer. As I’ve slacked off on writing in it over the last few months, I’ve noticed that I don’t feel quite as positive about life. At the end of each day, my journal prompts me to write three to five things that I am grateful for. As well as sharing something good that happened in my life and two things that I am looking forward to.
Some days it’s a stretch to find something I’m grateful for. And my list ends up being, ‘quiet time for the kids, my chocolate stash, a good show to watch, early bedtime, etc.’ But I make a point to fill every line every day, no matter how long it takes me to think of something. The other thing that I do is make at least one of those things I’m grateful for, something that my husband has done or a part of who he is.
This is my favorite gratitude journal and the one that I’m planning to purchase and work through next year. I’ve given it as a gift to multiple people this year because I love it so much!
Similar to finding things to be grateful for each day, look for the good in each day and every situation! Some days are really rough, and it’s hard to find anything good about them. One of the biggest lessons that I learned while we were in the NICU with our youngest was that there is good in everything. And that being able to recognize that good makes the hard times not so hard. When our date night plans fall through due to sick kids or weather, I try to move forward with a positive attitude.
Just a few weeks ago, I had a big family activity day planned. It would end in a fun seasonal activity for date night after we’d taken the kids home. The weather was less than stellar that day. And because all of our plans for the day would have taken place outside, we were forced to cancel them. Instead, we worked on getting some projects done as a family. And then we went on a date that night to grab dinner and do some shopping.
The day wasn’t what I had planned. And in previous years I might have pouted over it and let it ruin the entire day. But now I can let myself be disappointed. And then move on to other things and see the positive in the situation. We were able to get a lot of things done that day and start the next week refreshed, and we still had a lot of fun together.
When I was in the depths of my negative attitude, I glared and got annoyed when my husband tried to share something funny with me. Because it was interrupting “something important” or didn’t fit my mood to be happy. But we found something to laugh about every single day that we were in the NICU. And I can honestly say that it made the biggest difference in our attitude. And it was one of the ways we were able to make it through that hard time that we couldn’t otherwise do anything about.
Now, I try to stop and giggle at the little things my kids do, before I clean up the massive mess or deal with the misbehavior. When my husband tries to be silly with me, I enjoy the ride instead of resisting the fun. When I’m feeling grumpy or annoyed and my husband tries to make me laugh. I used to try to stay angry, but now I let him lighten my mood. Life is more enjoyable when I let it be fun and laugh my way through the hard times. This is the change in attitude that has made the biggest difference.
I know that my marriage is better because I moved on from letting life get me down. And I stopped being a stick in the mud. I’m constantly looking for sunshine in every situation. Life isn’t perfect, and we still have our struggles. But I’m better able to manage them and separate the situation from the person. And love my husband fully in spite of whatever we are working through. I feel so sad when I read the status’ I wrote or see pictures of myself when I was in the middle of my attitude crisis. But I am grateful for the change in attitude because I can see how far I’ve come. And I recognize how much better my life is now that I look for the positive in every day!