Something that I hear a lot from spouses is that their spouse doesn’t like date night. These people obviously value date night and want their spouse to as well. Regardless of the reason, your spouse might be avoiding date night. It can feel really personal to you, the spouse who wants nothing more than to go on a date.
The solutions listed below won’t solve every date night obstacle in your marriage. But I hope that they will get you started in the right direction. And I hope it will get you on the same page about the quality time you spend together.
One powerful thing we can do whenever we are feeling unsatisfied with something in our relationship is to communicate. If you don’t feel like your spouse feels as strongly about date night as you do, sit down and talk to them! Don’t attack, don’t assume, and don’t accuse. Come from a place of what you are feeling and what your desires are.
Tell your spouse that date night is important to you and why. Share some of your favorite date nights the two of you have been on and what made them so memorable. Make sure your spouse knows that you’re not expecting an extravagant dinner or an expensive activity every week. Let them know that your goal when it comes to date night is to have fun and connect with them!
Related: Why You Need to Make Date Night a Priority in Your Marriage
This might seem crazy, especially if you really love date night. But some people feel intimidated by an official date night. They might feel like there are high expectations and it can stress them out. I’ve heard from a lot of people over the years, that their spouses feel this way. My own husband has let me know in the past that planning date night is intimidating to him, based on the things I plan and put together when I’m the one planning.
Instead of saying, “Can we go on a date this week?” Say something like, “Let’s go out and do something together.” Or “I thought it might be fun if we did _____ together this weekend.” And even, “Remember that new restaurant we’ve been wanting to try, should we go this weekend for dinner?” Make them an offer they can’t refuse. Propose date night as the fun and laid-back time that it can be. Do anything you can to make date night less intimidating if that’s something your spouse struggles with.
Related: Guidelines We’ve Set to Make our Date Nights Count
You might not want to hear this, but maybe your spouse isn’t excited about your date night activities. I believe that you should both enjoy the things that you’re doing on date night. But I also believe that you should each get opportunities to participate in activities that maybe only one of you is really passionate and thrilled about. Maybe you’re a live theater person and your spouse is more of a sports fan. One week you could plan a date to go to dinner and your local community musical. But know that the next week is going to be watching a local sports team play and grabbing food from concessions while you’re there. Then plan a date to go to a restaurant you both enjoy and maybe a comedy show that you know you’ll love.
Don’t plan your date night activities around things that only you will enjoy. Or that you hope to teach your spouse to love. It’s important to experience new things together in your marriage. I also believe that you should get the opportunity to introduce each other to the things you love doing. Be willing to plan or let your spouse plan date night activities that they’ll enjoy as well.
A few years into our marriage, we started putting together a date night bucket list each year. Having that bucket list not only gave us ideas of things to do. It also got us both excited about the dates that we had coming up. Our date night bucket list includes restaurants we’ve been wanting to try. We list seasonal activities we don’t want to miss. And we include other things we’ve always talked about doing together. Put your own date night bucket list together, then put those date nights on the calendar. Having a list that you created as a team will ensure you both enjoy what you do for date night. And it will give you something that you’ll both look forward to.
Related: How to Create Your Own Date Night Bucket List
One of the reasons I see people dreading date night or intentional couple time is the lack of time that they feel they have to take care of themselves. If you feel like have no time to do just what you love, you can become resentful of the people around you and the roles that you play. Everyone needs time to themselves, to work on self-care, and pursue things they are passionate about. Make sure that you and your spouse are getting one night a week to do your own things. If you are spending all of your free time together, date night isn’t going to seem as special or be looked forward to as much.
Related: Why It’s as important to Date Yourself as it is to Date Your Spouse
Remember that “the goal in marriage isn’t to think alike, but to think together”. Your spouse might not ever be as gung-ho about date night as you are. But I hope that the two of you are able to think as a team, see things from each other’s point of view, and put some dates that you’re both excited about on the calendar.
