I see a lot of articles floating around the internet about respect in marriage. But most of them have undertones of one spouse needing to respect the other without expecting the same respect in return. A lot of these views are religion based. Or just because of the belief that one gender is superior to the other. I feel strongly that both partners deserve respect in marriage and that the respect should be mutual. When I started thinking about the things that I see in my own marriages and other marriages that I feel communicate respect for each other, I knew I had to write a post!
Below you will find a list of things that I feel are great ways to show respect for your partner and your relationship and the life that you are building together. When you join your life with someone else, your decisions and your actions start to affect more than just you. Even those things that you don’t feel are a “marriage” thing affect your spouse after you get married. I would encourage you to start looking at your day-to-day interactions. And what changes you can make to show a little more respect for your spouse as your partner and as a human being.
This is the first thing that comes to mind for me, especially in the parenting stage of life. When you are planning your life, making your schedule, and going about your daily activities. I love to sit down and go over our schedule together during our weekly marriage business meeting. This helps us to make sure that we are on the same page. And that we have communicated our expectations about schedule and time and who is going to be somewhere when. I have a few thoughts on this point and different ways you can show respect for your spouse’s time.
When we were newlyweds, it wasn’t very hard to go out and do our things. And we really didn’t take each other’s schedules into consideration when planning our own individual activities. Now we have kids at home, a dog to take care of and other household tasks that have to be considered. Planning something, whether it’s work or a fun activity, requires that one of us will be home or that we have a babysitter accounted for. Split that responsibility! Don’t rely on your spouse to always be the one who’s at home, or who always arranges for a babysitter when you’ll be away.
If you’ve promised your spouse that you will be home at a certain time, stick to that promise. Especially when they are relying on you to be able to get something done that they were planning. Maybe you said you’d be home from work at a specific time so that they could go meet friends. Or to let them hop on a call, or get some work done in peace. Or even to get to an event that they’ve committed to. Respect your spouse’s schedule and keep your promise so that they’re not late or in a bind because you didn’t follow through.
If you will be late or if something that has been previously discussed changes, let each other know! I like to know when Joe’s on his way home so I can start getting dinner on the table. Or to know that he’ll be a little bit later than normal because something came up. There’s nothing worse than being told someone will be somewhere at a specific time. Only to have to wonder where they are and when they will actually be there.
I know a lot of people like to use the tracking app on their phone to see where their spouse is in their errand running or when they are on their way home. While that’s a great tool, it’s still respectful to let people know where you are. And when things aren’t going to follow the timeline you originally communicated. So they don’t feel the need to check up on you to make sure you’re ok or still on schedule.
There are a lot of people in your life who will be willing to give you their opinion. Or share their expertise when you’re faced with a decision or a predicament. Whether you think your spouse will be the one who has the best suggestions or not, ask for their input! Your spouse knows you better than anyone else. And they might have some valuable thoughts about what you have going on.
Your spouse is your most trusted confidant and they are yours. When your spouse trusts you with their thoughts, feelings, or other things that they aren’t sharing publicly, respect their privacy and keep those things quiet. I would venture to say that this is one of the most important things you can do to show respect in marriage. This is something that I am working on myself because I am a very open person. And I share a lot of what is going on in my life with those around me and on social media.
My husband is a more private person. He doesn’t feel the need to publicize the details of what is going on in his life. I have to work to remember that and respect his choice. Letting him be the one to share something if he chooses. This means that I don’t post things on social media, talk about them with my girlfriends, or even share with friends or family without him choosing to do so first. I also don’t bring things up in front of them, encouraging him to share or piquing his interest and questions.
When something exciting or disappointing happens in my life, I have a circle of people who I share those things with almost immediately. They are my support system and the ones who know most of the details of my life currently. Before I tell anyone else, I make sure to tell my husband. Out of respect for him as my spouse and most important relationship.
Because of our daily schedules, a lot of times that means sending him a text with details or asking him to call me during his lunch break. Other times, it’s something we should discuss in person. I have to wait patiently for him to get home at the end of the day to tell him before telling anyone else. It can be hard to wait to share things. But it’s worth making your spouse your first go-to and showing them that they are a priority in that way. And it’s such a simple way to show respect in your marriage.
Before you make big decisions or during disagreements, take some time to consider your spouse’s feelings about the situation. It’s so simple, but doing this can help you approach a conversation with more empathy. Or in a way that will help to avoid defensiveness on both sides. By letting your spouse know you see their side of things and understand how they feel, the two of you can communicate better and make decisions that will benefit you both!
So often I think that we take our spouse for granted. Especially those things we’ve come to expect and that they do on a regular basis. Maybe your spouse makes dinner every single night, takes charge of cleaning up, or takes out the trash every week. When was the last time you thanked them for the simple things they do every day? Start finding two or three things each day to say “thank you” for. Thank your spouse for going to work and supporting the family. Share your appreciation to them for staying home and managing the household. Thank them for loving you, etc. Your gratitude will show that you see them and respect them. And that you value the things that they contribute to your life.
None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. Until you are completely perfect and never mess up, you can’t expect your spouse to be either. Things slip our minds, we don’t remember perfectly, and we all make mistakes. I’m guilty of getting upset and questioning why my spouse does something the way that they do instead of the way that I asked or expected. Take a deep breath and remind yourself of the human in your spouse and the human in you. Treat your spouse with the same respect and grace that you would hope they would treat you when you don’t do something perfectly or live up to their full expectation.
Related: The Best Conversation Starters for Couples
I’ve thought about this post a lot this year. And I’ve tried to recognize the areas in my own life where I could show more respect for my husband. Both in his role as my partner and as the individual that he is. We all have room for improvement. And I don’t think we should accept that “this is just how we are” in most situations. I hope that you’ll use this post to continually improve your relationship. And ensure you give your spouse the respect in the marriage that we all deserve!