When you become parents, everything changes. All of a sudden you’re completely responsible for someone else. And you no longer have full autonomy to do what you’re used to. You take on a whole new role in life and so many things are different. Your marriage relationship will change too, but it doesn’t have to change in a bad way. The two of you will find that you have to make more effort to prioritize your marriage each day. But you’ll also find yourselves being grateful for the time you do have to spend alone together.
One of my goals is to encourage couples to make their marriage a priority in every stage of life. When you aren’t actively investing in your marriage relationship, you will find that you don’t know each other on a romantic or sometimes even friendship level anymore. And when the kids are grown and gone, you might not have a marriage relationship to focus on anymore. These tips will help you continue to make your marriage a priority in the craziest stage of your life.
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A connecting ritual helps you turn towards each other on a regular basis. It’s one of the simplest ways to prioritize your marriage in this new stage of life. Your connecting ritual should be something that the two of you both enjoy. And it should give you opportunities to connect and talk on a personal level. You might also want to keep them free of distraction. Some couples wake up a few minutes early each morning and cuddle before they start the day. Others enjoy a slow breakfast together before heading off to work. You could go on a walk together regularly, or share a cup of coffee and a quiet moment. It doesn’t have to take up a chunk of your day, and you’ll find that even in those few moments, you strengthen your marriage immensely.
Tip: Check out this post for more information on connecting rituals and help create a meaningful ritual for your marriage
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Truly listen and truly talk. You might ask questions like, “tell me one good thing that happened today” or “tell me about something you accomplished today”. The goal is to connect and find out how your spouse is truly doing.
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Walks have always been one of our favorite things to do together, especially after having a baby. You can put the baby in the stroller or wrap and take a good stroll between feedings. It’s a great opportunity to chat and connect, and I’ve never met a baby who didn’t love going for walks.
Related: Five Traditions to Keep Your Marriage Strong After Baby
You’ve heard the quote, “sleep when the baby sleeps”, right? I quickly learned that if I actually did that, absolutely nothing would get done. And the lack of sleep on top of a disaster of a house and nothing crossed off the to-do list was not a good combo for my mental health. So I set aside one “sleep” a day to get something done. One day I’d do a quick clean-up of the house. Another day I’d cross something off of my to-do list, like making some phone calls. Set aside one nap time a week to grab ice cream together or play a board game or sit and cuddle in silence while you watch an episode of your favorite show.
If you are able to go out together and have someone watch the baby, nap time is a great time to do this! It won’t be your usual date that’s hours long, but it can still be fun. Grab a quick bite to eat, or your favorite treat to share. Run an errand together, or just go for a drive. Do something that you love doing together and enjoy your time together.
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One of the best things we did in our first few months as parents were to go out on a few dates. We have our parents nearby and they were almost begging us to let her help out. When our first was a week old, we got to go to a movie in theaters while he hung out with grandma. A month later, my mother-in-law offered to tend while we went to dinner. Those short windows of time that we had together helped us step outside the chaos of our new roles and feel like ourselves again.
Related: Creative Ways to Spice Up Date Night for New Parents
It can be so easy for your conversations to start to revolve around the baby. It’s fun to talk about the little things your newborn did throughout the day. But don’t forget to talk about other things too! And I’m not talking about just the bills and work and those things. Continue to get to know your spouse and show interest in the things that they are doing each day.
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Don’t forget that you are still husband and wife, and you always will be. Yes, you are now always mom and dad, and parenting partners. But at the root of it all, you are romantic partners. The best way to foster that relationship is by making time for it daily. Parenthood is one of the first major shifts in roles and schedules that you’ll experience as a couple. Find ways to prioritize your marriage in this stage so you’ll be able to do the same in future stages.