Married college students have a lot on their plate. And it can be easy to let your marriage take a backseat to everything else that you have going on. Having been in school for the first six and a half years of our relationship, I know how much time and energy being a student takes. And how much more difficult it can seem to do it all when you have a household to manage, a close partnership to maintain, and sometimes a job on top of all of that.
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Joe and I are doing this married student thing later than most couples. He’s working towards his Bachelor’s degree and I’m in graduate school. We’re both in our 30s and we have a house and two kids. Sometimes I feel like we should be living in an apartment, walking to campus every day, and in our 20’s still. But we don’t do education in a traditional way over here. As we continue to work towards our education and career goals, I don’t want our marriage to suffer. Our relationship shouldn’t be any less strong because we’re choosing to strengthen our professional or personal selves. And if it does, then something needs to shift.
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I want to provide you with some simple ways that you can make time for your marriage, in the crazy season of life that college brings. My hope is that the tips below will provide you with opportunities to connect with each other on a daily basis. Because no matter where you’re at in your schooling or how much time it requires, your marriage shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.
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Having something that you can do together to wind down from the busyness of the week is ideal. It’s separate from a date night, low-key and slow-paced, and allows you to come back together and connect. Plan a weekly movie watching party and work your way through a series. Marvel movies are great for this! It could also be a drink or coffee date for 15 minutes before you start studying. We used to love to go on a late night walk after I was done studying for the night. Now we enjoy sitting out on our deck, enjoying the stillness of the night together.
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I will always and forever be an advocate of date night! It’s one of the things that I most look forward to in my marriage, and I want other couples to feel the same way. When I was pursuing my undergrad, we always went on a big celebration date after a semester ended. We splurged on a meal and did an activity that was out of the norm for us. But throughout the semester, we didn’t make date night as much of a priority as we should. This time around, that’s all going to change!
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Put date night on the calendar. When you’re sitting down to map out your due dates, your study times, and class time, make sure you write in weekly date nights for the two of you. They don’t have to be extravagant, cost a lot of money, or even take up a lot of your time. Maybe you grab brunch together and spend an hour eating before you buckle down for your Saturday study session. Or meet up for happy hour appetizers before your evening classes start. You could even do something as simple as taking a break from studying for a big test to grab an ice cream or play frisbee at your local park.
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Having a good support system is key to getting through school. My husband has been my biggest support system throughout my entire education. We met two months into my undergrad, so he has truly been with me through it all. For the last year, I’ve supported him in his journey by providing him space and time to study and take classes. And now we’re supporting each other again as we’re both married college students again. My husband entertains the kids while I’m attending my virtual classes, fills my water when it is empty, and brings dinner down to the desk while I’m still in class. It’s the little things he does to support me that make the biggest difference!
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All of the adult responsibilities that come with marriage can be stressful. And then you add homework and papers and tests on top of that. Life can feel so serious at times. But don’t forget to have fun together! I’m going to guess that the majority, if not all, of your relationships, started because you had fun when you were together. Am I right? Take time every day to have fun together. Share a silly joke, watch specials from your favorite comedian, or talk about memories in your relationship that always bring a laugh.
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Each week my husband and I sit down and discuss our plans for the coming week. Doing this helps us get a date night on the calendar, share our expectations, let each other know what we have going on, and communicate our needs and desires. By going over your schedule weekly, there will be no surprises, and you’ll both know when you can plan your own things and when you should be spending time together.
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I’m now a year into grad school and it has taken up a lot of my time and energy. I recognize that I am going to have to be intentional with my time. Because I have work, kids, a house, and a husband that I want to give my attention to as well. With Joe in school as well, our overlapping free time is even more limited. These are the things I plan to do in order to keep our marriage relationship strong throughout this crazy season of life as a married college student.