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From Halloween to the New Year each year is one of the craziest times for families across the board. That time frame is filled with holidays, family get togethers, end-of-year events, and it’s often the busiest time of the year for individuals at work. In this episode, Amberly shares three things couples can do to make their marriage a priority through the holiday season and into the new year. Putting your marriage on the back burner, even for just a few weeks, can take your marriage in the opposite direction of where you want it to be. Make time for your marriage and start the new year stronger than ever!
Today’s episode of the Prioritize Your Marriage podcast is going to be a little bit shorter than most, but it’s an important one and one that I wanted to get out before we dive into the chaos of the holiday season. I think some of you may have already started the chaos of the holiday season. The time between Halloween and New Year’s is filled with various holidays, end-of-calendar year priorities and activities, all the things. And for some, it’s the busiest time of year work wise as well.
The holidays are one of those seasons you can plan every year. So it’s one of the times when I think it should be easy to make time for your marriage and make time to put each other first, even though it’s one of the busiest and it’s not your normal. So, today’s episode is going to be all about making your marriage a priority in the holiday season. Regardless of what holidays you celebrate, it’s just a busy time for everyone, and I don’t know about you, but I’m already thinking about how I’m going to make sure that my husband Joe and I are making each other a priority daily through this season. It’s something I think about this time of year every single year, and I know we aren’t the only ones who struggle to find time to connect with each other during the hustle and bustle of the holidays.
So I wanted to share three things that, I say we, but I am planning to do over the next month and get my husband on board with to ensure that we are making time for each other and to ensure that we keep our marriage strong as we head into the new year. Because it is a short season, just a few weeks long, but you either progress or you kind of digress. And if you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backwards. I don’t want you to sit in a rut that doesn’t help you move forward. I want you to enjoy the holiday season together and come out the other side feeling like you are ready to take on 2024 and just become an even better couple than ever and not that there’s, places where you have to repair before you can move forward.
This is like that gray divorce situation that I talked about in one of the first few episodes of Prioritize Your Marriage, but instead of it being the end of a big season of parenting and careers for the two of you, it’s just the end of a small season. And so think of that on a smaller scale and it does make a huge difference. My favorite quote I say all the time from John Gottman is, “it’s the small things done often that make the biggest difference.” And this is one of those small moments, small seasons of life that can make a huge difference in your marriage if you do it right. So, here’s my three suggestions.
The first one is to schedule time for date night. As I sit down to map out our activities for the month of December, one of the first things that I do is to put our date nights for the month on the calendar. We try to have two out-of-the-house date nights planned and I get babysitters scheduled ahead of time because I know how busy this month is for everyone and how quickly sitters will be snatched. up for all the things and usually these outside-the-house date nights do not include holiday parties for work that might be couples only, etc. I try to plan at least one that’s just the two of us outside the house together doing something we love or enjoying something that is part of the holiday season. I also set aside one night each week for an at-home date night if we aren’t going to be going on a date outside of the house that week. I love knowing that no matter what else is going on in our lives each week, we have that intentional quality time planned so that we can connect and have fun together as husband and wife in the midst of all the chaos.
My second tip is to take advantage of family being in town. My husband and I both live near our families, but this actually works out really well for me because my sister comes home every year and for our birthdays she has been gifting us babysitting time when she’s home for the holidays. And so we get a date night out on her. We pay for the date night, but she comes and babysits for free. And for a lot of people, the holidays generally mean that the entire family is together. Whether you aren’t around family very often or you’re just enjoying a little extra time together with members of the family who might live further away, you can use this time as an opportunity to get a little extra time away together as well.
It is easy to get caught up in all those family parties and get-togethers and all the things you’re doing to spend that time together because you don’t always get that time together. But don’t forget to, I was going to say, don’t forget to neglect your marriage. Don’t forget to not neglect your marriage. Don’t neglect your marriage. Let the grandparents have some quality time with your kids and sneak away for a dessert date together. Ask one of your siblings to hang out at your house after the kids are in bed so you can catch a late movie together or drive around and see the holiday lights, or just go get some hot cocoa and sit and watch the beauty of the valley around you. Sneak out while you have extra family members staying at your house and enjoy a cold late night walk or grab breakfast in the morning before everyone is up and ready for the day. I guarantee that nobody is going to want to spend every waking moment together. And there will be moments here and there when you can get in a little extra alone time. Even if it’s just, hey, everyone’s done for the night, the kids are asleep. Can someone just be listening for them while we go out?
And then my third tip, leave room in the schedule for downtime. Just like I put date night on our calendar before making all of our holiday plans, I always mark on the calendar days that are set aside as downtime. These are days when I don’t plan anything extra than work, school, or just nothing during the holiday break. Both for our family to enjoy, the kids to enjoy being home, and us as a couple to enjoy not having anything else to do. It can be so easy to fill every single night and every weekend with seasonal activities and fun, and it’s okay to say no to a few things, or to combine traditions, or to decide if a tradition is really what’s needed right now, or if that downtime is needed more. There are so many events we want to attend and activities that we want to make sure that we get to do. I honestly wish we had double or triple the amount of time in the holiday season to enjoy everything because there are so many fun things to do and I feel like not enough time to do them in. And kind of as I’ve mentioned, you don’t want to end the holiday season exhausted and wishing for an escape from the stress of it all or just totally disconnected and wishing for just a few days to reconnect and reset as a couple.
So making sure that you have that downtime to relax and unwind and enjoy the magic of the season helps and I know it helps us to have a more enjoyable time with our families and with each other during the holidays. There was one day last year after I had been sick and I had finished my graduate program, my dissertation, all the things, my husband was done with his semester of school. And we just sat together in front of the Christmas tree and it wasn’t a hundred percent quality time because we were both on our phones. But we were showing each other things, we were just having random conversations as we thought of them and we were cuddled up on the couch with each other and the dog. And it was just that downtime. We were connecting physically. We were connecting as we had time, but just time to be still and be together. So definitely put at least one day on your calendar when you just have nothing else planned, except be together.
Through every situation, season, and stage in life, you have to make time for your marriage. Sometimes it will seem easy to find time for each other, and other times it will take a lot of planning and thought and intentionality. The holiday season is one of those times when life can take over, but like I mentioned, it is one of those times that comes around every single year and that you can more easily plan for. Unlike, I’ll reference back to our three weeks in the NICU with a baby when we didn’t know when it was going to end and it kind of was just thrown upon us. I don’t want you to let your marriage be on the back burner, even just for these few weeks. Don’t let that happen to you this holiday season. Prepare ahead of time to leave space for each other and work on strengthening your marriage through the season. Enjoy the holiday season together. Get a little holiday romance, your own Hallmark-style Christmas love happening, and fall in love with each other during the holiday season. Really truly enjoy it and make time for your marriage.