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Celebrating your spouse’s birthday is celebrating that they were born. That they came into this world when they did. And that, because of that date, you have them in your life. It doesn’t matter what you do for your spouse for their birthday. What matters is that they know you care. And that they feel loved and appreciated and important in this world. They deserve that every day of their life, but should feel it a little extra on their birthday. In this episode, Amberly shares some ideas to help you plan a fun birthday celebration for your spouse. One that shows them you care and that they’re a priority to you.
Happy Halloween! I am publishing this on Halloween. And I recognize everyone won’t get a chance to listen to on Halloween, because Halloween is a chaotic day, but have a Happy Halloween regardless! Happy November, if you’re listening to this in November.
October was birthday month in our marriage. My birthday was the 17th, and Joe, my husband’s, birthday is today. Yes, he is a Halloween baby. Our birthdays are exactly two weeks apart to the day. So we spend a big chunk of the month of October celebrating each other and celebrating together. I LOVE birthdays! Joe considers them just another day. But I think part of that is because his birthday is overshadowed by a holiday that revolves around our kids right now. Either way, I make a big deal about birthdays in our family and for myself, my kids, and my husband.
Celebrating your spouse’s birthday is celebrating that they were born. That they came into this world when they did. And that, because of that date, you have them in your life. It doesn’t matter what you do for your spouse for their birthday. What matters is that they know you care. And that they feel loved and appreciated and important in this world. They deserve that every day of their life, but should feel it a little extra on their birthday. I want to share some ideas to help you plan a fun birthday celebration for your spouse. One that shows them you care and that they’re a priority to you. You probably know what your spouse wants for their birthday and how best they like to be celebrated. Don’t plan a surprise party for someone who likes a more intimate celebration or time on their own on that day.
One of my biggest tips for this episode is to communicate, communicate, communicate. People say asking for what you want or asking people exactly what they want ruins the fun and the surprise. But in reality, it just eliminates disappointment. I remember growing up, my cousin and I would always ask each other what we wanted for Christmas when we were teenagers and then we’d buy each other that thing and gift it to each other. We could have gotten it for ourselves. But it was just more fun and we knew each other would love it. And we had an excuse to buy that thing for the person we were gifting to. And then a reason to get something for ourselves. Nobody doesn’t love getting exactly what they want.
In episode 13, I talked about how once you know what your spouse wants and doesn’t want, if that’s something that’s been communicated to you, and you’ve asked about, if you plan according to that, and they’re upset that you didn’t read between the lines about something else that they actually wanted, that’s on them. Like if you go to the gas station and ask if they want to treat and they say, “No, I’m good.” And then they’re upset that you didn’t come back with a treat for them. You asked, they had the opportunity, they said, no, it’s on them. That sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.
So, how do you plan an epic birthday celebration for your spouse. One that will make them feel loved and appreciated and like the most important person in your world. I’ve got a few tips. My first tip is to use their love language. You’ll find a post linked in the show notes that dives deep into using the love languages to pick out the perfect gift for your spouse. I think it can work for planning a great celebration or surprise for them as well, for their birthday or any other occasion.
If their love language is quality time, maybe you plan outings for them with all of their favorite people throughout the day of their birthday, the week of, or the month of. A birthday date or adventure is always a good option for quality time people as well. If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, a really good card, notes from people who love them, a or scheduled text every hour that tells them something you love about them could be fun. For a physical touch spouse, planning a couples massage or a day at the spa for them or creating that spa day at home with you as their pamperer could be a lot of fun. As an acts of service spouse, having a totally clean house, or not having to do the mundane tasks that are mine each day, having meals brought to me etc. are always a win for my birthday and make me feel amazing. Receiving gifts to people don’t just appreciate lots of packages wrapped in pretty paper. I think of Dudley Dursley on his birthday, counting all the presents. That is not what a true receiving gifts person likes. It’s about the thought that you put into it. Surprising them with their favorite meals, treats, snacks, and/or drinks throughout the day could be a win. Take them on a window shopping trip to one of their favorite stores a week or two before, and make note of the things that they got really interested in or wanted, and then go back and purchase within your budget some of those things and surprise them with those on their birthday. Definitely check out the posts I linked in the show notes for this one, and all the others, but especially gifts because the gift ideas based on love languages are extensive in that post. And I love using them as a way to give something extra meaningful based on the love language. I’ll sometimes give based on my love language combined with the other person’s love language. Because I think there’s a way that you can gift with words of affirmation, that might be your love language, to an acts of service person, that might be their love language. If you want more on that, send me a DM and I’ll chat with you because the love languages and coming up with creative things like that is my favorite.
My second tip for creating an epic birthday celebration for your spouse is to start simple traditions. During the pandemic simple traditions were started for birthdays with our kids that have continued for years now. We had to take our fresh birthday doughnuts for birthday breakfast out of the mix and get boxed donuts that we stacked into a donut cake because donut cases were non-existent early on in the pandemic. And I had a child with a birthday in April. It’s something that our kids love so much that they want it every single year and they remind us, “you know what I want to see on my birthday morning.” So I get them those boxed donuts, put them out on a plate, and then they get chocolate milk and their favorite fresh berries with it as well. And it’s their favorite!
I don’t know that we have something like that for our birthdays. Most years we try and get away together for a weekend or a night between our birthdays and do a celebration thing. I do try and meet my husband for lunch on his birthday, because his birthday is on Halloween and the evening gets consumed by trick or treating. So I make it a point to really celebrate him the rest of the day. And taking him for his favorite lunch is one of those things that I do. So I want you to think, do you wake up your spouse by singing happy birthday? Or maybe you always make their favorite cake. Growing up, my mom would let us pick our favorite dinner for her birthday day, and she still does this. And then she’d set the table with the fancier dishes, including the plastic ‘It’s your special day’ plate for the birthday person. And that meal was our special meal.
Simple traditions should be meaningful and serve a purpose. Like lunch dates because our evening is always crazy on my husband’s birthday. I will link in the show notes, the podcast episode from last season where I talked a little bit more about creating traditions. And I think that could help you get thinking, not just for the holidays coming up, but for some birthday traditions as well.
My third tip is to make it a ‘yes day’ for them. Have you ever seen the movie yes day? It’s kind of funny, kind of chaotic. It’s based on I think a cute children’s book and I believe it’s still on Netflix, if you ever want to watch it. I love to think of birthdays as one big yesterday for the birthday person. You want to watch your favorite movie that bores me? Yes, I would love to cuddle up for me a move date with you. You want to eat ice cream for dinner? I’m here for it. It’s their party and you do what they want to, within reason, of course. It might not be plausible to skip work and take off on a spontaneous trip to Italy for the day. Although I wish my life was in a spot where that could be a thing for my birthday. Just find a way to say yes to all the things your spouse would love to do.
My last tip. Don’t let them be overshadowed. As adults, we have work, and kids, and other life responsibilities that sometimes can’t be avoided. And I think a lot of times as adults, we feel like birthdays are just another day because there is work and the kids have things like Halloween parties or trick or treating. But that doesn’t mean that your spouse can’t be special. And that you can’t be available to celebrate your spouse. With my husband’s birthday being on Halloween, I’ve had to adapt every year for how we celebrate so he does get celebrated and not overshadowed because of the holiday. We have a mutual friend who loves Halloween, and she recently told me that she has been jealous of my husband’s birthday ever since they were kids because she would have loved to have that day as her birthday. because Halloween is her favorite. Joe is indifferent to it so I try to do what I can to make the actual birthday a good day for him. Like not making him dress up in a Halloween costume to match the family or at all. Treating and surprising him throughout the day. Not planning anything I know he’d truly dislike. And then I pick a day within the week of his birthday that I make his birthday celebration day.
This year, we took the Saturday before his birthday. We went to Top Golf, we went to lunch and we saw Jim Gaffigan live. When our kids were younger, it was easy on Halloween to drop them off at grandma’s after trick or treating at one or two houses and then go to dinner and do our normal celebrating. But I do everything I can to make him feel extra special on his actual day. And even if your spouse’s birthday isn’t overshadowed by a child’s birthday or another holiday celebrations, still work to make them feel extra special and seen.
I would love to hear some of the things you’ve done for your spouse’s birthday in years past, or what they’ve done for you that has felt noteworthy. Hop over to Instagram or Facebook and comment on the reel that I posted today, sharing about my husband’s birthday and this podcast episode. Or you can shoot me a message or chat with me in stories. I’ll be celebrating my husband being one year closer to 40 and managing trick-or-treating chaos, so I might be slow to respond, but I’d love to share your ideas with the community.
In the show notes, I’ve linked the post I mentioned before and a few more. I have a post with nine ideas you can use for birthday surprises for your spouse. I also have a post about planning a birthday date for your spouse. Gifting date nights and celebrating with date nights is one of my personal favorite things. And then I found two posts on my website from 2012, when it was more of a personal journal blog for our marriage. I shared what we did for our birthdays that year. Spoiler, I turned 24 at Disney and it was the best! And you can kind of get a glimpse into how we have celebrated birthdays, just one of the years that we’ve been married.
Next week, I’m coming in hot with confessions from a marriage coach/expert/educator. I’m still not sure what to call myself. It’s a tiny crisis I’ve been having, but I’ve been having fun brainstorming this episode and I hope you’ll have just as much fun listening. Happy Halloween and happy November tomorrow and not so happy goodbye to evening daylight this weekend. Ugh…