One of the most common questions I get about my major is, "What do you plan to do with that, raise a family?" Yes, I'm learning a lot of great things that will help me be a better wife and future mother, but that's not really the reason I decided to go into Family Studies. To tell you the truth, I stumbled upon the degree by accident.
I never really wanted to go ring shopping, the whole process seemed overwhelming to me. While my best friend was ring shopping a couple of years before, I found a ring style that I really liked and I decided that I didn't need to look around for anything else. I shared the picture with Joe, told him a few specifications that I wanted and why and let him go for it on his own.
This week, life happened and it didn't happen in the way I'd planned or expected. For me, it was a huge deal because I'm a planner who doesn't do well with last minute change that I haven't had time to plan for. Now more than ever, I'm grateful for a husband who enthusiastically supports the crazy adventures that life brings our way because without him, I'd be more of a stressed out mess than I already am.
Improving yourself and improving your relationships is important, but think of the impact having goals that you are working toward together can have. You have an instant accountability buddy and someone who can encourage you to stick to your commitment on days you might be feeling lazy or have better things to do. It will double your chances of succeeding!
Merry Christmas!
What I learned this week was how important those five little words that I promised in my vows: in sickness and in health. It means that I promised the good times and the bad times. And the fighting to make him take his medication on time and picking up the tissues. I promised to be there for him to bring him soup from Panera in the middle of my workday and make sure he was as comfortable as possible. It means I must be patient when he is snippy because he doesn't feel well and I am to do the dishes and the laundry solo without grumbling.
By the time we'd been dating a month, Joe and I both knew that we wanted to marry each other, we just needed to decide when. If you read our first married Thanksgiving post, you can find out how the topic of marriage first came up in our relationship, but I'll tell you that it was over the phone and we didn't discuss it much.
Any time I think back to how Joe and I made our relationship official, I can't help but giggle. I still think I was so clever and I can't wait to share this story with my future kids. My entire family was involved in the process and it provided hours of entertainment for us. Rather than writing it all up here (because I already have a post about it), I'll just invite you to go read the story of How I Applied to Date My Husband. I promise, you won't regret it!
Having a puppy is a lot of work and sometimes he's really naughty and difficult, but I would never send him back. It's a little bit like having a human child, and I think he's probably good preparation for when we finally get to that stage in life. And now, I'm going to go snuggle with that sweet, furry boy because I just can't get enough of him! Oh, and maybe we'll spend some time with the husband as well.
I remember a couple of things about the day of my last first kiss (yes, it really was that big of a deal and requires that dramatic of a sentence). On my way home from somewhere (I don't remember that detail), I stopped to pick Joe up from his house. Rather than just meeting me in the driveway like normal, he had me come in and meet his mom, she was the first family member of his I met. I also remember what I was wearing that day, but only because that shirt is now Joe's favorite and he likes it so much because it reminds him of that day.
I think we can all agree that the early stages of dating are great! The whirlwind of emotion, flirting, excitement, nervousness, etc. is a whole lot of fun! Dating Joe and getting to know each other was exactly that, a whole lot of fun! I was excited when I got a text message from him, I couldn't wait to see him every day, we never ran out of things to talk about, we laughed a lot, and every moment together was exciting!
In June, we tried to have a relaxing night away to celebrate our anniversary, but last minute circumstances that were out of our control turned it into a crazy, tiring weekend of traveling. We decided then that we were going to get away during the weekend between our birthdays, even if it was just for one night. I am so glad we did because this weekend was just what I needed! Quality time with my husband, visits with friends, good food and a lot of relaxing without any responsibilities.
When I was single, the most frustrating movie in the world to watch was He's Just Not That Into You because according to it, none of the guys that I thought were even the slightest bit into me were at all.
The day that Joe and I "met", they had all of the chairs in class set up in groups of three and there was an empty chair left next to me. Joe came in late and took that seat and I have to admit, my hands got a little clammy and I was excited that I had an excuse to talk to him, but I didn't expect to be his friend or anything. When it came time for the class activity, everyone else got placed into groups of three or four but Joe and I were left to be in a group by ourselves.
One of my very favorite things to do with Joe is go to another couple's temple sealing. I've been to quite a few since we've been married on my own, and we've been to three or four together now. I love holding hands with my eternal companion in the sealing room of the temple while we listen to the covenants being made by the couple at the alter. It is a great reminder of our own wedding day, how giddy and in love we were and the promises we made to each other.
I went to Rexburg, he went to Mexico, and we both ended up right back where we started, living three blocks away from each other. I never would have thought that life would lead me right back to the boy I once admired from afar in high school.
Rather than being grumpy about the things my husband doesn't do for me that I sometimes wish he would, I decided to pay attention to the things that he was doing for me. Over the last few months, I've made a mental note of those things, and a few of my own, and here they are!
After high school I didn't see much of Joe because we both went on with life and didn't really cross paths. I heard about him occasionally if I was around some of his friends or people who knew him and every once and a while I would go past his house. However, I was up at school for 14 months and he left the country for two years a couple of months before I graduated, so moments like that were rare.
when I got married, I started realizing that I have some personality flaws that might make life a little hard on my new husband. And I want to make his life easier for being married to me, not harder! So being the crazy list-making goal-setter I am, I bought a notepad and set out to make some PERSONAL goals that would in turn make me a better wife.
He might not bring me flowers, and he hates to plan dates, but Joe loves me in his own little ways, and I need to learn to better appreciate them. I'm going to pay more attention to the little things he does that show me he loves me. Let's see how it goes! You might see another post in the next month telling you what those things are!
You should know that Joe and I grew up about three blocks away from each other, in the same LDS stake, in neighboring wards. When we were dating, Joe would never wear his seat belt when we were driving between houses (it drove me insane) and the incessant beeping would always turn off at the stop sign between our houses, no matter which direction we were coming from! We went to different elementary schools (we were both on the border for our schools), and then went to the same Jr. High and High School, but somehow we never talked or officially met until we'd both been graduated for about five years.
Ok, maybe we didn't walk THAT far, but it was still a lot. I wore my Fitbit the entire trip and it calculated that I walked just under 27 miles while we were there. For some reason the stairs climbed stat didn't sync, even though I know that it was tracked, and with all of the hills we climbed and stairs we walked up, I hit at least 50 flights every day. It was a fun, memorable, and exhausting trip to say the least!
Marriage is great, is it not? You always have someone to hang out with, there are plenty of opportunities for cuddling, and it is the perfect opportunity to learn! To learn about what? Yourself of course! Well, and how you react to and deal with other people. Having someone to give you feedback and love you unconditionally when you mess up and learn through trial and error is great! My dear friend Sarah from {To Be Mrs Collier} is here to share five things she has learned from her marriage so far! I would have to agree with every single one of them, what do you think?
We have different expectations. Once I realized that, I realized that maybe it's not fair to expect things from my husband that are not part of who he is without at least communicating with him about that. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to make an effort in the things that are important for your spouse, and Zach does. But it honestly made it a lot easier when I realized that. If I want a big deal, then I need to communicate that and see if I can help make it a big deal.
I've dated or had a crush on A LOT of guys in my life, and I was convinced that every single one of them was the perfect one for me. With some of them, it quickly became obvious that wasn't the case and with others it took until I was engaged to Joe to have that "ah ha" moment of why it didn't work out with all of those guys in the past.
I asked you to tell me one thing you think is important to do that strengthens your marriage or relationship. You answered:
I really love to think and talk about the time when I first started dating Joe! It makes me all giddy and twitterpated like a girl who has a major crush all over again! I know, I'm weird, but one of my favorite things is to read my journals from that time and remember exactly how I was feeling while it was all happening, that is one of the main reasons I keep a journal to be honest. But enough of that, I really want to tell you the story of our first date.
When Joe and I first started to talk about marriage, I told him that I didn't want to go ring shopping with him and I wanted him to pick out my ring on his own. I had a few specifications; I knew that I wanted my ring to be white gold, I wanted the main diamond to be a princess cut, and I wanted that diamond to be embedded in the setting a little bit so that I could wear it while working at the salon without worrying about it getting in my way or filling up with gunk. I think I sent him pictures of a few rings that I liked, but I wanted him to pick out something unique and personal so I told him that he could just use them to get ideas.
Before we even started dating, Joe and I were chatting on Facebook one night and somehow our discussion turned to the Love Languages, so of course, we had to take the quiz! Our results were interesting. My top two love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch and Joe's are Physical Touch and then Quality Time. And even though our love languages are so similar, we still have to work hard to build our relationship and "keep our love tank full" as Gary Chapman would put it.
(Thank you FB timeline for making this easier to find years later!) There is a whole conversation below, between a few of his guy friends, about whether or not they can apply for the position. It was all a bit silly, but then again, Joe is a silly person!
This year Joe turned 25 and I wanted to make it extra special! So I decided to take the day off and spend some time with him since I usually only work a half day on Wednesdays and it's usually Joe's off.
Our last day in California, we had tickets to go to Universal Studios. Before we made the long drive to the park, we went to breakfast though. I think that meal was the first all week that was actually something that I'm supposed to be eating and it was really yummy!
Thursday was a day to rest and relax on our trip. We didn't visit any theme parks, we didn't have any planned activities, and we got to sleep in! It was really nice!
Did you know that I celebrated my birthday in Disneyland?!?! Because I did! And it was probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had! You just can't go wrong with Disney!