Husbands, this post is for you! I wrote it to help you out with what to get your wife for Mother’s Day this year. Wives, send the link to this post to your man and tell him which “wants” ring true for you! I wrote a post a couple of years back with my own ideas for what husbands could gift their wives with for Mother’s Day. Because I believe that the mother of your children deserves a gift from her parenting partner! (And vice versa for Father’s Day, don’t you worry.) But this year I wanted to hear from other wives about what they wanted from their husbands. I asked a group of over 10k wives what they wanted their husbands to do or give them this year. Then I compiled their answers based on common themes. Moms all want the same thing for Mother’s Day 2021.
I found it interesting that none of the responses mentioned wanting flowers and chocolate, a gift card to buy new clothes from their favorite store, jewelry, etc. Wives want time to themselves, they want someone to take care of them, and they want quality time with their favorite people.
Related: 15 Gifts Your Mom Really Wants for Mother’s Day
Mothers were in the thick of spending 24/7 with their kids home last Mother’s Day. As much as we all love our children, we need time away from them and they need time away from us! In our family, my husband’s life didn’t change much when everything shifted last year. He kept going to work every day and then came home and spent the evening doing homework, after our family time. My life on the other hand was turned on its head, multiple times over the year! The kids were all of a sudden home all the time, work shifted from in person to completely online. And getting errands taken care of happened in the car, with the kids in the back seat.
When asked what they wanted for Mother’s Day, a few women expressed the way they’d love to receive alone time.
“I still have little kids, so for years [my ideal gift] has been sleeping and alone time. Is that alone time a pedicure? Great. Is it a long, uninterrupted bath or reading time? That works too! I’m less interested in a purchased gift than I am in time.”
“I always check myself into a hotel for one night–all alone.”
“For me, I just want a night away in a hotel. By myself. All the snack food, all the trash TV. The longest bath without interruptions. Sleeping in. Brunch by myself.”
“All I want is time alone to take a nap and read a book or something.”
Set up a space in the house where your wife can go to be by herself for the day. Make sure she had snacks, drinks, movies, books, or whatever she needs to work on projects she’ll enjoy. Don’t forget to bring her meals or order her favorite foods to be delivered throughout the day. Instruct the kids not to bother her, unless it’s a total emergency. Let her know she can text or call if she has anything she needs and you’ll bring it right to her.
I see husbands doing this often, and their wives love it. They get the TV completely to themselves for the night, have an entire bed to enjoy, and complete and total silence. Make sure she knows to order room service, food delivery, go out and eat a meal by herself, or pick up her favorite takeout and bring it back to the room. Let her take projects she wants to work on or everything she’ll need to relax and enjoy her time to herself. Some wives will want a “work weekend” to work on a side project or hobby they have been neglecting. Others will just want to relax and watch a show, take a bath, and read books.
One year for my birthday, my husband told me he was going to take the kids “camping” in his parent’s basement for a night/day and give me 24 hours at home by myself. That man knows exactly what this lady wants! Having time at home to focus on projects, enjoy it being clean for more than five minutes, and do whatever I wanted was heavenly.
In the event that’s not an option, taking the kids for a drive to enjoy a drive-thru picnic, watch a movie in the car, and spot random sites they love is good too! We moms can get a lot done, with even just a few hours of alone time. And it’s very welcome after the last year because it gives us time to reset and feel like we can actually be productive.
This was by far the most listed thing that moms want for Mother’s Day this year. The things that we moms have had to think about and manage and the roles that we’ve had to play over the last have been ever-changing. Quite frankly, moms are feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and we truly just want someone to take it all on for us. Just for one day, we don’t want to have to think about it all.
“I want a clean house and time to read a book. And I don’t even need the book. I have a stack of to-read books on my nightstand I’d like to get to.”
“I’m asking my husband to fix all the things about our house that aren’t urgent but bug me.”
“I just want my dishes done, to be honest. Help with a household chore, especially after such an intense semester, would be so meaningful.”
“For someone else to cook and clean up after all the meals of my favorite foods.”
“A break! A day to just enjoy and not feel like I didn’t get anything done… or chocolate.”
“I don’t want to cook or do any dishes.”
With help from your kids, make a list of all of the things your wife would do in a day, or throughout the weekend. Then let your wife know that she doesn’t have to think about any of it. Have her look over the list and add anything else to it if needed. Divvy out the tasks and responsibilities among you and the kids and get to work! Let mom truly relax, or focus on projects she enjoys and never gets time to do. Or you could send her out for some fun on Friday night and let her come home to a completely clean house, with all of her work for the weekend done. Then you can enjoy some family fun to celebrate the hard work she does on a regular basis.
I was once asked if hiring someone to clean the house for your wife was a bad gift. I said no! For me, I love having someone else clean things. It gives me time to do what I love, or think about the other things I need to do. And it’s calming and relaxing to walk into a clean space throughout the day. Hire someone to clean the house the Friday before Mother’s Day. Have a mobile detailing company come and clean her car, inside and out.
I saw a husband hire a professional chef/cook to come to their house a set number of times, and cook dinner for the entire family. That wife raved and raved about how amazing it was that someone else was planning, preparing, serving, and cleaning up meals. You could also order a week or a month of meals from one of the many food delivery or meal prep services out there.
Maybe there are some tasks your wife actually enjoys doing. Or specific things she just doesn’t want to think about for a bit. Give her a blank sheet of paper and tell her to brain dump the things she doesn’t want to be responsible for. Let her tell you what she wants and needs help with. Take over those tasks for the weekend, or even for a week, and give mom a break.
How often do the moms you know put their hobbies and things they love at the bottom of their to-do list, while they tend to do what everyone else wants to do? I believe that an important part of self-care is to enjoy one thing you love to do every single day. That might mean engaging in a hobby, making a meal you love, etc. Unfortunately, mom guilt is a real thing, and we feel bad if we set everyone else aside for our own wants and needs.
“A long hot yoga session followed by brunch and a nap.”
“A day to myself where I can do whatever I want. Like to not be a mom for a day.”
A girl’s day out is a winner with most women! They love getting together with friends, talking over good food, and enjoying an activity together. I’ve often gone to a movie, gone shopping, gotten pedicures, or participated in a fun seasonal activity. Sometimes it’s fun to crash in someone’s basement in our pj’s, eat our favorite takeout, share treats and watch a chick flick. What would your wife like to do during the day with her friends?
“Wife, the next two hours are yours to do whatever you want with. Do something you love and don’t feel like you get enough time to do”. Keep the kids occupied while she enjoys her chosen activity, completely uninterrupted.
I remember earlier this year, I was sitting on the couch trying to get some reading in for a class I was taking, while dinner was cooking. My kids were playing contentedly in their rooms until I sat down to read. All of a sudden they were racing cars across the floor in front of me and requesting me to say, “Racers, start your engines! Three, two, one, go!” every three minutes when they were ready to start another race. I still managed to get my chapters read, but I’m not sure how much I truly processed. The same thing happens when I sit down to play the piano and sing. Or when I think I have time to watch a show I enjoy. Give mom the peace, quiet, and space to do something she loves, uninterrupted so she can truly enjoy it.
It feels really good to be taken care of, even when you’re not sick. Moms and wives do a lot to care for those they live with, mainly their husbands and kids. It can be easy to feel like everything you do is taken for granted. Let your wife know you see everything she does and appreciate her in your life.
Mom wants:
“To be waited on hand and foot, a clean house, time alone to read.”
“To be able to lay on the couch and read and have people fetch me water and snacks. And then drift off into a good nap and not feel groggy when I wake up.”
“A babysitter. A house cleaner. A nice meal.”
For the 24 hours that are Mother’s Day, or even for the entire weekend, take care of every meal. Plan what everyone will eat, take care of shopping for any ingredients you need, prepare the meals, serve the meals and clean everything up. Meal planning, prep, and cleaning up are one of the most draining things for moms. I would also suggest you not plan super simply. Go above and beyond to make the meals really good, and things your wife really likes to eat.
I will always say that the best way to know how to serve someone or what to gift someone or how to love someone is by asking. Don’t assume that what your wife needed or wanted yesterday, last week, or last Mother’s Day is what she wants for Mother’s Day 2021. Tell your wife that you and the kids want to pamper her and treat her like a queen for the day. Then ask what specifically that might look like for her. I’d also suggest giving her a few days’ heads up so she doesn’t rush to gift herself with having all the chores done, meals planned, etc.
Whether your wife’s love language is acts of service or not, finding ways to serve her for Mother’s Day will go a long way. Click here for a list of 70 different ways you and the kids could serve your wife.
Related: 70 Acts of Service Love Language Ideas
It sounds similar to caring for mom, but pampering her is taking a step further than that! Serving someone helps them with basic needs and wants. Pampering someone takes it to the next level, doing things they might not normally ask for or do for themselves. A local spa has a “queen for the day” package and I really loved the idea of treating mom like a queen for the day. Except, maybe stop short of dressing her like a queen might have people do for her.
“I just want a professional massage.”
“Sleeping pill and noon wake-up”
If you can send your wife to the spa for a day, or even just an hour or two, do it. Book her a massage, a facial, or a pedicure. If a day at the spa isn’t possible, create one at home. Draw a bath with bath salts and set your wife up with a book or her favorite show to enjoy while she soaks. After she’s done, bring warm lotion and give her a massage with it. Then set her up with a nap, or an eye mask and relaxing music.
Moms are the ones who often get woken up with requests for water, or to comfort a child who had a nightmare. And in the morning, moms are up early rushing to get everyone on their way for the day. Be on high alert and give the kids instruction not to wake mom up, but to come and get you instead. Sneak out of the room and keep the noise near the door at a minimum to let mom wake up when she’s ready. Make sure your wife turns off all of her alarms the night before and maybe encourage her to put her phone on silent as well. You can set the stage even better by shutting out all light, turning on a sound machine near your wife’s side of the bed, and making sure she has a comfortable blanket to snuggle up in.
Every year I know my husband and the kids are going to give me cute cards, plant flowers in the front yard, and make yummy food for me. I love all of those things, but the one thing I always request is a date night out with my husband. My parenting partner, the father of my children, we don’t get enough quality alone time. I love having time off from being “mom” so I can focus on my relationship with my husband. I was glad to see that I wasn’t alone in this desire, maybe because everyone’s alone time has been extremely minimal this year.
“Time with just my husband, to sleep in, 2 hours alone to paint, something delicious.”
“A leisurely stroll in the sun with my husband.”
Make an effort to plan a date your wife would enjoy and ask her out this year. Plan activities and food that you know she loves, especially if it’s something she has said she loves doing with you by her side. Then be sure to make reservations and give your wife alone time to get ready for your date beforehand.
One year my husband gave me a “gift certificate” for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, an activity I love, and watching a chick-flick of my choice without any complaints from him. Let your wife tell you where she wants to eat or get takeout, what she wants to do together, and what she wants to watch. The entire evening together is hers to choose.
Wives still want cute cards, hand-picked bouquets, and handprint art from your kids. And they love the idea of going on an adventure or spending time doing your favorite things as a family. The things mentioned in this post are in addition to those things. Your wife wants to know that you, her husband, the father of her children, and her partner in everything in life including parenting; see her and appreciate everything that she does as a wife and mom. And in all honesty, as much as she loves being a mom, she kind of wants a day or two off from her job.