The master bedroom should be a sanctuary for your marriage. The entire home is yours, but the bedroom you share is the one space that is truly just for the two of you. Your room growing up may have been your escape and the place you most loved to be. Similarly, the bedroom you share with your spouse should feel the same way for your marriage. Have a room in your house that is comfortable and functional and a place for you to grow closer as a couple.
For the first few years we had kids, our bedroom door didn’t have a lock on it. When our oldest learned to open doors, we put a child lock on our doorknob. Now we have a lock on the door, but it’s one of those that’s easy to unlock if you have something flat. Although it deters our children a bit, it’s about time to put a lock on the door that requires a specific key to open it.
A locked door acts as a physical boundary and doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It can provide the two of you with more privacy, and act as a signal to your kids that you’re not currently available. Whether you’re getting ready in the morning, having an important discussion or marriage meeting, or enjoying an intimate moment, the lock on your door will communicate to your kids for them to come back later. It can provide you with an extra minute to finish getting dressed or end your conversation, and not be barged in on unexpectedly.
Having a sound machine has a lot of benefits for your marriage! On an everyday basis, it can dampen the sound of your spouse snoring or noises outside your window. You’ll sleep better with a sound machine near your bed. I’ve also heard couples swear by sound machines for helping them to feel more comfortable during their intimate moments. If you have kids at home, or live with other family members, having a sound machine near your door and/or heat vents can act as a “soundproofing” tool. It can also be a great way to provide a little privacy when you’re having personal conversations that you don’t want others in the house to listen in on.
I got this sound machine for my husband for Christmas and it’s great! It’s compact, has a timer, can remember your settings, and has a variety of unique sounds, including a train chugging down the tracks, which I found oddly soothing when my kids turned it on one day.
A great piece of advice I heard once was not to decorate your bedroom with photos of your kids or other family members. It can dampen the mood if one of you catches the eye of someone in your pictures at an inopportune time. Adding to that advice, I always suggest that couples decorate with pictures of themselves and quotes or objects that mean something to them as a couple. Your room should be about the two of you as a married couple. Use wedding photos, selfies from fun dates or vacations, your favorite quotes about love, the lyrics from your wedding song, etc. They are a great reminder of what’s important and who you are at the heart of your relationship.
Lighting can change the atmosphere of your room almost instantaneously! You can change the feel of your room for a date night at home, pillow talk, or intimate moments, just by turning down the lights. Simply turning off your overhead light and relying on the lamps on your bedside table can make a difference. I love flameless candles like these ones, that you can decorate your room with. They turn on with the push of a button on a remote you can keep in your bedside table drawer. If you have a soaking tub in your en suite, this smaller, tealight version of flameless candles.
Our bedroom gets some amazing natural light throughout the day, because of the direction our house faces. I love it, except when we want to sleep in or take a mid-day nap. We love energy-saving curtains and recently upgraded to some that we could open and close more easily. Now we can enjoy that natural light and make our room more inviting during the day. These are the curtains that we have and love.
You may think that nobody will go into your room or rummage through drawers or boxes. But let me tell you about the time when I came upstairs to find condoms scattered all over the floor in the hall and in my bedroom. My kids had discovered them and were having a “parade” where they were throwing “candy”. They had also found our Coconu and were using it as “lotion”. Luckily their oil-based lubricant has many uses and that’s one of them. We quickly ordered a box that locks to store those types of things in, away from curious kiddos. Look for a box that fits under your bed or nightstand. Maybe one that has a combination lock so you don’t have to find the key all the time.
For the first five or so years of our marriage, we lived in apartments and didn’t have a lot of extra storage space. Our bedroom doubled as a place to store food that didn’t fit in our kitchen cabinets. It was also storage for everything we owned. And it doubled our office because we had nowhere else to put the desk. When we moved into our house and had more space, I was really intentional about what we allowed into our room. We’ve used baskets to keep order to the random stuff we each have. And I try to eliminate piles of paper and other things that don’t belong in our room.
Having a room that’s clear of clutter and other things that need to be taken care of has a lot of benefits. For one, it’s a lot more of a refuge and a more relaxing place to be. Another reason to keep your bedroom clean and free of piles of stuff is that it will allow you to free your mind and focus on your marriage. I don’t know about you, but for me, when there’s a mess, it’s all I can think about.
There are so many other things that I’d love to have in our room. A deep soaking tub, a reading corner with two comfortable chairs, and a balcony we can sit out on. But the point of this post isn’t to create your dream bedroom. My goal in writing this list was to provide you with some ideas, and simple things you can add to your room to help create more of a sanctuary for your marriage and a place where you can go to strengthen your marriage.
What other things do you feel have helped your room to be a place for you to retreat and connect as a couple?