In every single stage of marriage that my husband and I have been through, there have been important things that pull our attention away from each other. As we shift into new seasons of our marriage, I find myself excited for the extra time that we’re surely going to have to focus on our relationship. And then life happens and things always appear to fill in those time gaps. And oftentimes we’re left feeling busier than ever. I’m sure you can relate. You have to choose to make marriage a priority!
I’ve realized that I can’t hope that a new season of life will bring more time for us to spend on our marriage. And I can’t assume that we’ll just find the time to be together. We have to make time for each other and our marriage on a daily basis. In some seasons, you might have more time for your marriage than you do in others. But even when you do have extra time, if you aren’t making a concerted effort to use that time for each other, that time will quickly be dispersed to other things. And you’ll find yourself wishing you had more time to focus on each other.
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When you’re making your schedule for the week, what is the first thing you account for? For a lot of couples, it’s work and maybe our own or our kids’ school schedule. Those are the “must-do” tasks that we all plan around, right? What if you added your marriage to those things and made it a non-negotiable on your schedule? Date night, daily connection time with your spouse, a weekly marriage meeting, and other important things to you and your spouse should be scheduled first! Before you commit to family dinners, a night out with the girls/guys, extracurriculars for the kids, your own hobbies and projects, etc. Make time for your marriage!!!!
Those other things are all great, and important and should definitely have a place on the calendar. But are you scheduling those things before you account for the time you want to spend with your spouse, working on your marriage? Make sure you’ve scheduled date night. Plan a 20-minute window each day to sit down and connect, talk, and catch up with each other. And if you’re able to, schedule some mini-dates throughout the week as well!
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A lot of times when I talk about making your marriage a priority, the assumption is that it has to take a lot of time, but that isn’t true. Sometimes it’s the small moments that you take advantage of that will make the biggest impact on your relationship. Take advantage of small moments in your day and use them to make time for your spouse. Cuddle on the couch, have a five or ten-minute conversation about life, or laugh together over a funny video or meme that you saw online today. Don’t wait until your planned time together, seize the small moments, and make the most of them!
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What does your routine look like each day? Mine is different depending on the day and what we have going on. Some days one or both kids have school. On other days I have classes of my own, work, etc. But usually, my morning and evening routines remain the same. Write out your routines and find a way you can include your spouse in those. Maybe the two of you sit at the dinner table and talk for an extra five or ten minutes after dinner has ended and all of the kids have left to do their other things. Or dinner clean-up could be something that is done every day without fail, and the two of you could do that together while you talk and connect or listen to music and have a mini dance party.
Find places in your everyday routines where you can include your partner. Maybe the two of you are doing something that’s the same but done at completely different times of the day. Is there a way that you can shift your routines to make those be at the same time? Could one of you wake up and join the other for breakfast in your pajamas, before you shower? When they might be all ready for the day, getting ready to go to work. Talk with your spouse, get creative and decide on things together.
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This is a concept that I heard a while ago, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first. The idea is that instead of one of you going one direction while the other goes another, getting multiple things done at once, you do those things together instead. So instead of one of you taking a child to their game, while the other stays home and crosses items off the to-do list, you do all of those things together instead. It might feel like you are dividing and conquering and saving time that you can spend together later. But, in reality, you can tackle it all together and get even more time to be together.
Join your spouse on the sidelines, watching your child practice or perform in their sport or musical endeavors. Think of it as a mini-date! Just like you might go to a sporting event or some sort of concert for date night. View your child’s extracurricular activities that way as well. You might be more involved with the game when you have a child of your own playing. But you can still sit next to each other holding hands and connecting while they’re playing. Then go home and tackle the laundry pile on your bed together. Have a race to see who can get the most folded or just fold together while you talk and laugh and maybe watch an episode of your favorite show. After all of that is done for the day, grab dessert, go for a walk and have your date as planned.
I hope that you have found some new ways that you can make your time for your marriage more of a priority. When you take control of your time instead of letting it control your life, magic happens. Give priority to your relationship with your spouse when you’re creating your schedule. You’ll start to find more opportunities to connect because you are making that time a reality. And your marriage will be stronger because you are taking the time to nurture it throughout every season of your lives. Especially the crazy ones!
What are you doing to make your marriage a priority in your current season of life?