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Setting goals in your marriage relationship isn’t just about how you can make your relationship with each other better. The goals that you set as a couple should also help you continue to create the life you want to live together and to be better partners in all areas of the life you share. In this episode, Amberly shares four different types of goals to set in your marriage and gives you some ideas of what those goals might look like to get your brainstorming started.
All I can say about the last two months is ooof. I stepped into 2025 ready to keep Prioritize Your Marriage going and not let it go silent like what happened last year. But I’ve learned that maybe I need to have my mid-season break or my gap between seasons of the podcast in January and February of each year, just based on how life has gone the last few years. None of the craziness has been the same thing happening every year. It just happens to be the craziest time of year for me. All that aside, I’m back, and I have three new episodes queued up for the rest of March, continuing the goal-setting conversation that I started in January.
I mentioned in the last episode that setting goals in your marriage should be an ongoing thing and doesn’t have to start with the new year. We were having that conversation in the new year because goal setting is a common topic at the beginning of the calendar year. Goal setting can be something you do when a school year starts, when spring hits and you feel motivated, with your wedding anniversary each year, or any other time that feels fitting. Having an ongoing conversation about your goals, what steps you’re taking to reach them, any adjusting that needs to be done, etc., is important. I’m going to talk more about revisiting your goals in one of my future episodes.
Today, I wanted to talk about the types of goals that you can set together as a couple. Because as I talked about in my last episode, setting goals in your marriage relationship isn’t just about how you can make your relationship with each other better. That’s part of it, but it’s also about setting goals to help you continue to create the life you want to live together and to be better partners in all areas of the life you share, not just the piece that is you as a romantic couple.
In this episode, I wanted to provide you with four different categories of goals that I encourage couples to set their goals around. Within each category, I will share some ideas of goals you can set to make your marriage a priority in the coming year. I’ll also link to a post in the show notes that includes more goal ideas in each of these categories.
Related: 15 Goals to Set for a Better Marriage
The ‘something we want to accomplish’ goals feel responsible and sometimes boring, but achieving them feels extra rewarding. Goals you might set to accomplish something together could include paying off debt, saving up and making a big purchase (i.e., car, furniture, house), or crossing a project off your list. You can shoot for something big picture, like building your forever home, and then set smaller goals to help you get there. Or you could set smaller goals, like cleaning out that space in your house that continues to build clutter, and work towards that one weekend.
Let’s dive into that building your forever home goal. Maybe you want to work on the plans for your home, find land where you’d like to build, save up to make purchases towards that home, or create a layout for each room. Some things will require an investment of money, but other things can be done with a dream board or with apps and programs, so you have a better idea of what you are trying to accomplish and can adjust your savings plan and timeline and other pieces of that goal accordingly. Make your “accomplish together” goal something that will stretch the two of you as individuals and as a team, that stays true to the values you have, and that fits into your current shared life plan.
I’ll share an individual “accomplishment” goal that I have right now. I’m trying to deep-clean every corner of our house. I want to clear out clutter, wash walls, dust and vacuum corners and under furniture, all the things. No inch of our house is left uncleaned. I set aside one day a week, Saturdays work for me, and I tackle one room each week. It takes a lot of time and energy and effort, and I’ve only done two rooms and two Saturdays thus far. I pull the family in for a lot of the tasks, and at the end of each week, I feel so proud of just how clean a room is, even though to the naked eye, it doesn’t look very different. But to me, it feels so good to know what I did and what I accomplished.
Something we want to do goals tend to feel more fun to work towards and complete. Regular date nights, creating a date night bucket list, planning a vacation or romantic getaway, finding and developing hobbies together, or learning how to do something new can all be goals in this category. These goals should help increase the fun in your marriage and your recreational/experiential intimacy versus the something we want to accomplish together, further the life you are building together, and set you up for a successful future.
I love to create a date night bucket list every year with restaurants we want to try or revisit, activities we’ve always talked about doing, and events we don’t want to miss. Maybe you set a goal to try all of the menu items at your favorite restaurant. Or you might want to compete in something together, like a puzzle competition, a readathon, a step challenge, or a race of some kind. You could also plan to join an adult league for your favorite sport together, or read an entire series of your favorite books, or watch all of the movies of a certain genre or series (like Star Wars or Marvel). This could be learning how to garden and starting small until one day you have a massive vegetable garden to go along with your forever home.
The sky is the limit on the things you want to do as a couple. I could spend five episodes giving you ideas for types of goals that fit this category, but for now, we’re going to move on.
When you’re setting goals as a couple, I would argue that goals to help make your marriage stronger might be the most important ones to set! I know I said at the beginning of this episode and in the last episode that goals to improve your marriage weren’t the only kind you should set, but I couldn’t not include them here. Because without a strong marriage, the fun goals, supporting each other’s individual goals, and completing things together won’t matter as much or be enjoyable. Identify what your marriage needs and work together to make it better each day!
Does your marriage need better communication? Create a daily check-in routine along with having a weekly marriage meeting to give you space to intentionally communicate about your schedules, feelings, and work through any conflict. Find a good conversation starter book, app, or card deck to help you continue to connect on a personal level as well. Set aside your phone intentionally every time you’re going to have a conversation, and set cues to help you remind each other to do that in a gentle and loving way. Do you need more fun in your marriage? Set a goal to try something new for date night once a month, share ridiculous stories from your day, pass on silly memes or reels, and make a conscious effort to laugh together. I could go on, but you’ll find all sorts of content here on the website to support the goals you set to create a stronger, more enjoyable marriage relationship and to continue to make your marriage better every single day you are together.
I have an entire episode coming on this next week because I feel it’s so important, but I wanted to touch on it here. The personal goals you set might not have any impact on your relationship with each other. But being in a marriage gives you a built-in support system, teammate, and cheerleader. Letting each other in on your goals and dreams allows you to help each other succeed, even if it’s just checking in, holding you accountable, or cheering you on. Share the goals you’ve set, and let your spouse know what they can do to help you accomplish them. Come back next week for my episode on this one because I have a lot more that I want to say.
I recommend that you start by setting one goal in each of these areas. It doesn’t matter what goals you set for your marriage or how many you set. What matters is that the goals you DO set are going to strengthen your relationship, make your marriage better, and push the two of you outside your comfort zone so you can grow and learn together. And that the goals you set are something you agree on and are something that you’re excited to work towards together.
Four types of goals, can you do it? I’m going to be diving into each of these types of goals over on social media this week. Follow me @aprioritizedmarriage on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, and join the conversation. Next week, as I mentioned, I’ll share an episode focused on supporting each other’s individual goals in your marriage. Then, I have a great episode that was recorded and has been sitting and waiting to be released for at least a month now with my friend Jessie, that I can’t wait for you to hear! In the first week of April, I’ll wrap up this series with an episode on revisiting your goals, adjusting, resetting them, and setting new ones and how to continue to do that throughout your marriage.
I’m excited to hear about the goals that you have currently in your marriage or that you set after listening to this episode!