I get messages on a regular basis, mostly from wives, asking me how they can get their spouse to prioritize their marriage too. If this describes you, the first thing I would say is that I’m sorry you don’t feel valued and seen in your relationship. I hope that with these tips, you are able to see things the way your spouse does. And I hope it will help them see your side of the situation too. I hope that the two of you are able to communicate and find a way to make your relationship a priority in a way that meets both of your expectations. And I hope that even if your spouse isn’t on board, you continue to do what you are doing to put your marriage and your spouse first. Because that alone will still make a difference in your marriage.
Chances are, your spouse feels like they are making your relationship a priority. But your ideas of what that looks like and how to make that happen may differ. Sit down and talk about what making your marriage a priority looks like to each of you. Maybe your spouse feels overwhelmed by the things you want to do and needs to start with one thing at a time. Or maybe the times you’re choosing to focus on your relationship are hard for them. Because they feel like they’re having to give up other things that are important to them. Talk together about what you each need and want from your relationship. And how you can make that happen without overwhelming either party.
Related: Why You NEED to Make Your Spouse a Priority Every Day
Once you know what prioritizing your marriage looks like, you can make a plan for how you’ll do that. Maybe one of you needs uninterrupted time to talk and cuddle each day. Set a time and a boundary for when that will be so everyone is planning and expecting it. And so each of you can take care of anything else you need before or after that set connecting time. If you want more date nights, decide what date night is going to look like and put it on the calendar. Make sure you are both in agreement and on board with the things you will be doing to make your relationship more of a priority. And after you’ve set your guidelines and made a plan, stick to it.
Related: Guidelines We’ve Set to Make Our Date Nights Count
If your spouse still isn’t willing to do what you feel needs to be done to make your marriage more of a priority, you can do those things yourself. Make a plan for date night and invite your spouse out. If you make it an activity or restaurant that you know your spouse loves, I doubt they’ll turn you down. Set your electronics aside every night and start a connecting conversation. Hopefully, after a few days, your spouse will start to put down their distractions and participate more actively when you do.
Unfortunately, you can’t control someone else’s actions or feelings. So your spouse still has to make the decision to make your marriage more of a priority in their life. But you can communicate your desires and do everything possible on your end to put your relationship first. Hopefully, your spouse will follow suit and make some changes that show you that you are important in their life. Just remember to acknowledge the things they are doing, even if it doesn’t meet the expectations you have. I truly hope that your spouse starts to do more to make you their top priority. And that your marriage continues to grow stronger year after year!