Expectations in marriage can be a tricky thing. One of the most common causes of disagreements and upset between a couple is unmet expectations. And the majority of the time, those unmet expectations are due to a lack of communication or misunderstandings. With a little intentional communication, those expectations in marriage can become really simple.
The more often you are communicating with each other, the less likely you’ll be to have disappointment over unmet expectations. A lot of couples find that they aren’t often talking beyond the business parts of their marriage. As you talk to connect, you’ll learn more about your spouse. And you’ll learn more about their needs and desires. I wouldn’t say you’ll learn to “read their mind”. But you’ll get to know them better and hopefully, be able to anticipate needs a little bit better.
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Every Sunday night, we have a marriage “business meeting”. During that time, we discuss our finances, the coming week’s schedule, and any other situations that we need to talk about. This also provides a great opportunity to talk about your expectations for the coming week. Are you expecting that your spouse will plan a date night out? Let them know. Do you have expectations for help with a house project that’s on your to-do list? Ask your spouse if they’re willing to help. And be on the same page about when and what. Think through each day and what possible needs and desires you have, and make sure those are communicated.
When expectations have been previously discussed and plans made, things can go still go south. Often details or expectations will change. If you don’t let your spouse know about changes as soon as they occur, things can still end in a disagreement. As you have thoughts or are given more info, pass that on to your spouse. Show respect by keeping them in the know and making sure they are still on board with things as they change to be.
Related: Respect Each Other in Your Marriage
Maybe one of the biggest keys to success in communication when it comes to expectations is how you communicate after expectations are unmet. It is so easy to jump in and criticize and get upset about things not going the way we thought they would. Instead, wait until a good moment, like your weekly marriage meeting or the next day, and discuss things civilly. Let your spouse know where things went differently than you were expecting. Notice I said differently, not wrong. Have an open conversation about where miscommunication may have occurred. And what the two of you can do better in the future to make sure things are clear. Be kind and don’t attack, because in the majority of cases things are simply a misunderstanding. I doubt that your spouse is doing things “wrong” to purposely upset you.
Don’t let unmet expectations come between the two of you. Figure out how you can communicate better with your spouse. Make sure things are clear on their end. Then assume the best and know that your spouse isn’t purposely trying to hurt you with the things they are or are not doing. Communicate again and find out where the disconnect was. The more you do this, the better you’ll get to know each other and the more clearly you’ll communicate in your marriage.