I talk a lot about prioritizing date night with your spouse here on the blog. But something that I feel almost as strongly about is dating yourself. Yes, that’s right, take yourself out on a date. Invite nobody but “me, myself and I” and enjoy your time together.
When I started focusing on my mental health a couple of years ago, this was something that I made a priority. Just like date night with my husband, sometimes I go out and sometimes I stay home. Sometimes I splurge on my date night and other times I do something free. I even have a bucket list of things I want to do on date nights with myself. Dating myself is something I have never regretted, and it has contributed greatly to my mental health.
Related: Things I do Regularly for My Mental Health
Whenever I think about dating myself, I think about the movie ‘Runaway Bride’. One of the things that Maggie does in the movie is sit at the bar of a restaurant and eat eggs every way they can make them. She does this because she realized that she “likes” her eggs the same way her current beau does. She conforms her interests and her personality to whoever she’s dating. And she doesn’t really know who she is as an individual. So she takes on the tasks of finding out, starting with the eggs.
I hear women say all the time that they’ve lost themselves in being a wife, mom, and employee. They don’t know who they are or what their interests are anymore. Or they know what those things are and they just aren’t making them a part of their lives. Make a list of all of the things you used to love. Then plan a night to try them out again, and see if you still love them. If there’s a food out there that you’ve been dying to try, make a date with yourself to try it. Find out who you are as YOU, all roles in life aside, and then embrace that person and let them be who they are! Dating yourself is a great way to find yourself again.
When I was in high school, I loved my social life and wanted to have plans every night and all weekend. If there was a night I didn’t have plans, I’d wallow in the basement in my pajamas with a treat and a chick flick. In my 20’s, when I had a night with no plans, I loved it! I’d go for a run, give myself a pedicure, watch a movie, eat my favorite takeout and wear my comfiest clothes. Now I schedule “nights off” to make sure I get time to do things just like that.
Some nights I stay home and have my own little girl’s night in. But I’ve also started to take myself out for date night. I dress up in my favorite outfit, do my hair the way I love it, and plan a night out I know I’ll enjoy. I’ve gone out for brunch and ate inside the restaurant on my own. Sometimes I’ll wander every store at our local shopping center and spend hours trying on clothes. And I’ve visited some of my favorite stores to grab bath bombs and chocolate and new cozy clothes. Then I get takeout and head home to spend the rest of the night in.
Do you feel comfortable and confident doing things out in public on your own? Or do you feel like you need to always have someone with you when you go out? I want to challenge you to go out by yourself every few months. Maybe start with the shopping trips, then move on to going to a movie by yourself and then start eating alone at sit-down restaurants! I had a friend who had a standing date with themselves, grabbing lunch at the same restaurant once a week while they watched sports. I have yet to go see a movie myself and I’ve only eaten out once when things were slow, but I plan to do both things multiple times in the future.
After work, mom responsibilities, household tasks, and even things in my marriage, I need a minute to recharge. I’ll go for a walk every night, sit out on the deck and watch the sunset, read a book, or even color. But I also plan a date with myself. When I’m feeling really exhausted and in need of a break, I plan one. I let my husband know what I have planned, and follow through with that date night with myself.
You might feel guilty taking time for yourself or asking for a “night off” to do something just for you. I felt guilty the first few times I did this as well. But let me tell you something, when you take time for yourself, to recharge and fill your bucket, you will show up better in all of your other roles in life. Taking time for yourself isn’t just for you! It’s something you can do for your kids, your husband, your coworkers, and your friends. Just do it! I promise you won’t regret it!
At the beginning of my mental health journey, I hated the woman I saw when I looked in the mirror. There were a lot of reasons for this, but a lot of it had to do with not having a good relationship with myself. I’m not encouraging you to go out to dinner, and swap sides of the table throughout your meal, as you have a conversation with yourself. But I am encouraging you to do the things that you love and that make you happy. Treating yourself well builds that relationship!
Sometimes my date is just a trip to the library to sit and work on blog stuff. But it’s something that I love to do, never feel like I have enough time for, and appreciate when I’m able to make time for it. Just like date night in your marriage, date night with yourself doesn’t have to be extravagant. Grab a drink and go on a scenic drive with the windows down and your favorite music blasting on the radio. What’s important is that you’re making time for yourself!
I love to pick up my favorite takeout, put on my comfiest clothes, and pop in a good chick flick. Some nights I’ll give myself a pedicure after I’m done eating, or throw on a face mask. You can watch a movie from your own collection, stream something online or pick something up from Redbox. This is one of the simplest and budget-friendly ways to start dating yourself.
For some reason, this is the thing that most people are scared to do. I have only done it once, but it was worth it! I went to my favorite restaurant for brunch, during their slow hours. They put me in the biggest booth they had and I got to enjoy my very favorite foods, in peace, while browsing social media.
Every time a new chick flick comes out, I want to go see it. Next time, I plan to purchase one ticket and take myself. I’ll grab my favorite concessions, find the comfiest seat, and enjoy every moment. I might even bring a blanket with me to cuddle with.
I did this a lot more often before I was married. When I needed to escape to somewhere other than my bedroom. Pick up your favorite drink or smoothie and drive to your favorite scenic spot. I have a route in the mountains near our house that I really love. Blast your favorite music on the radio and roll the windows down if the weather is good.
One afternoon, I drove down to my favorite chocolate shop and bought $25 dollars worth of my favorite treats and hot chocolate. Then I drove home and enjoyed them while I watched an episode of my favorite show. Grab ice cream, your favorite cookies, or another treat you enjoy. And share it with nobody but yourself!
Plan a day to do all of the things you would if you were going out with your girlfriends, but do it on your own! Get a pedicure, grab lunch, go shopping, get a massage, etc. This is the perfect date night out to do for a special occasion. If you’re celebrating your birthday or a big accomplishment, you deserve to do all these things!
Dating yourself is your opportunity to do all of the things you love! You don’t have to find a girlfriend, your spouse, or anyone else who is interested in the newest chick flick in theaters or a restaurant that opened. Make it a priority to date yourself, and enjoy every minute of it!
After you go on your next date with yourself, come tell me what you did and how it went and if you’ve already put your next one on the calendar!