My husband and I have been together for nine and a half years. During that time, we’ve planned and been out on some really fun dates. But we’ve also had a lot of date night plans we were really looking forward to falling through. I really dislike those times when our dates don’t look like I wanted them to. But over the years, I’ve learned some things that have helped us move forward and still make date night a priority!
Most recently, two of our date nights out got canceled when the entire world seemed to shut down because of a virus. I remember a few summers ago, I’d planned a bucket list date that I’d been looking forward to for months. On the day of our date, our toddler came down with a random fever and we had to cancel. It took us another year to get out on that date, but we were finally able to make it happen. On a smaller scale, we’ve found long waits at restaurants we’d wanted to go to, not made it to an activity in time, or some similar minor obstacle.
Related: Why You Need to Make Date Night a Priority in Your Marriage
There have been a lot of times when a plan of mine falls through and I feel like everyone’s telling me to ‘accept it and move forward’. But a lot of times, I want to wallow in that disappointment for a bit. When something you were really looking forward to isn’t happening anymore, it’s natural to be disappointed. I want to encourage you to feel those feelings, and mourn for a bit. But don’t let it ruin your time together or get too caught up in being upset. This leads to my next tip…
There are a lot of times when I have the attitude that because we can’t do what we wanted, we shouldn’t do anything at all! It might seem impossible to make a date night and quality time happen still, in some situations. Maybe you have a sick child who needs a lot of extra attention and TLC. Or maybe one of you isn’t feeling your best and doesn’t have the energy to really participate in a date. There are still things you can do together to have a “date”, even if it doesn’t look like your normal or what you had planned.
If you can still make time to spend together, plan something intentional, that will allow you to connect and have fun together. Or if you need to shift your date to another time, and do something different than what you originally had planned, do that. The important part of date night is the opportunity that it gives you to connect as a couple. Don’t throw date night out the window completely just because your plans fall through.
If you had planned to go out to dinner, then hike to a lookout point and watch the sunset, do that from home instead. Grab takeout from the restaurant you’d planned to go to. Then enjoy your meal together while watching the sunset from your yard or the roof of your house.
Maybe you were going to go out to see a movie in the theater. Pop some popcorn at home, grab a movie you know you’ll both love, and create a fun “movie theater” set up in your own home.
Related: At Home Date Night Ideas
Some dates are easy to reschedule, like dinner and a movie or grabbing dessert and attending a seasonal activity. You can shift your plans to another night, as needed. Other dates take a little bit of organization, like if you have tickets to your community theater or had a reservation of some kind. With a little coordination, even dates like that can still happen at a later date, most of the time.
I recognize that there are “once in a lifetime” type opportunities that will be impossible to reschedule. Like if your favorite band is in town for one night, or you’re attending a one-evening-only event. I mentioned earlier in this post, a date night we’d been planning for months that took us an entire year to be able to plan again. Try to look for those opportunities to make your original plan happen, even if it’s years later down the road.
I know that this can sometimes be the most unwanted piece of advice when you’re in a disappointing situation. You might not be able to do this at the moment, but try to do it when you can. I’ve found that when I look at a situation and see the good that came from it, that wouldn’t have happened if things had gone as planned, I’m happier. It doesn’t eliminate the disappointment, but it really helps the way I feel.
Kids, budget, schedules, and other unforeseen circumstances can all put a damper on date night. You get to choose how you let those obstacles affect you, your marriage, and your date night habits. Every obstacle, big or small, has the power to make or break you as a couple. Come together as a team and find a way to overcome whatever obstacles get in the way of your date nights! You’ll be grateful that you still found time to connect and have time together. And you’ll be even more grateful that you worked together and strengthened your relationship skills at the same time.
