After my husband and I got married, one of the first things on our to-do list was to combine our bank accounts. This was something that we knew we would do, without even having to talk about it. I know a lot of couples who have combined finances in marriage. And others choose to keep them separate.
If you’re on the fence about whether or not you want to merge everything in your lives, including your money, I hope this post will help you decide. Combining your finances in marriage is a big step. And it can seem scary and messy. But in the end, it’s more than worth all the work! It doesn’t matter how far into your marriage you are. You can always make the change to share your money completely.
Related: How to Make Combined Finances Work in Your Marriage
For months before we got married, we were asking for each other’s input on big financial decisions. I think we were even having those conversations before we were officially engaged. We knew that we were planning to spend the rest of our lives together. And we knew that those decisions would impact our future together. As a team, you want to be able to rely on each other for anything.
No matter how much you each make or who contributes more to your overall income as a couple, you need to work together. Just like everything else in your marriage, you’re in this together. Maybe one of you is better with numbers and decides to keep track of the budget solely on their own. Or maybe one of you does all of the grocery and household spending. It doesn’t matter how you choose to divvy up the tasks associated with your money. You should always be a team and keep each other in the know.
Related: Why You Need to Be a Team with Your Finances ALWAYS
At our reception, we wanted to have a slideshow playing with pictures of the two of us growing up. Because we were having the event in my parent’s backyard, we decided that putting a TV by the line would be easiest. Joe brought his personal TV up to our house the night before so it could be set up the next day. I remember that night, my dad walked into the office and asked whose TV that was. I responded, “It’s Joe’s. Well, actually, I guess it’s going to be mine too…. It’s our TV!” And from the next day on, we’ve always referred to that TV as “ours”.
Joe purchased that TV with his own money, that he’d saved up for that specific purpose. And it could have easily been “his” forever and for always. But when we got married, what was mine became his and what was his became mine. There was no more division! Whether it was something we brought into the marriage or something that we purchased together.
I think this shows commitment, whether you’re talking about furniture, a book, or your finances. By keeping things separate, you make it easier to separate in the future. I know it might seem silly, but that simple act of combining things says, ‘I’m in this for the long haul, you’re never getting rid of me’. It’s just another way to show your “I do” through your actions.
Related: How We Handle Personal Spending with a Shared Bank Account
There are a few things that we use to illustrate the amount of trust we have in someone; our lives, our kids and family, and our money. If someone hands you their credit card to go make a purchase, you know automatically that they trust you. When you are willing to put your money with your spouse in one bank account, you are showing that you trust them and vice versa.
Maybe you don’t feel like you can trust your spouse to handle your money well. You may need to go together to a financial therapist (yes, that’s a thing). They will help you work together to solve the issues that are holding you back. Notice, I didn’t say, “just don’t combine your finances”, because I still think it’s something important for couples to do. A financial therapist will help you to communicate and problem solve. And build the skills necessary for you both to feel comfortable working together on your finances.
Financial therapists have been trained in both therapeutic and financial aspects. They help individuals and couples to figure out the emotional triggers and underlying psychological situations that can cause bad money management and financial decisions. They can also help you work through your differing views on money. And get to the root of what causes those strong emotions, opinions, and beliefs that you have surrounding your finances.
A financial therapist can be a great resource for any couple, regardless of the issues you have with money. Money can become a very heated topic, especially in a marriage. Because money is about so much more than numbers. Finances are an emotionally charged topic of conversation and go so much deeper than what the initial issue might seem to be. If you are constantly having the same discussion or disagreement about your money, it might be a good idea to consult a professional.
Related: Viewing Debt as ‘Ours’ vs. ‘Mine’ and ‘Yours’
You are going to spend the rest of your lives working together on so many different things. Why not start with your money? Working together to set a budget that works, and reevaluating every month to determine what adjustments are needed is a great and consistent way to practice problem-solving together. You will learn how to better communicate with your partner and what triggers turn your conversations into arguments.
We’ve learned in our marriage that our money habits have to be constantly evolving, depending on different situations and circumstances in life. Early on in our marriage, we were rocking the money stuff. Paying off debt, paying for college with cash, making room for fun, and building up our savings. Since purchasing a house and having kids, it feels like our finances have gotten away from us.
We have been using the 30-Day Family Finance Rescue course from Pennies Into Pearls. This program has helped us set big goals for ourselves. And get back on the same page with our money and back on track with our budget. It has provided us with new opportunities to learn about what we each value. And how to work together to bring our goals to life. This course is a must for combined finances in marriage
Related: 5 Conversations to Improve Money Talk in Marriage
While I realize that not everybody will choose to have combined finances in marriage, I can’t suggest it enough! Not viewing our money as ‘his’ and ‘hers’ makes budgeting easier. It helps us to feel like more of a team and makes our discussions about money a lot more effective!
If you have yet to join your money in “holy matrimony” or are on the fence about whether or not it’s something you will do, I hope this post has given you some more things to consider. Sit down with your partner and have an open conversation about your finances and how you want to handle them in your marriage. I hope you’ll decide to join forces and allow your money to become one!