Are you feeling overwhelmed from everything on your daily to-do list? Do you feel like you’re not getting the most out of each day? Then chances are you may not be making the right daily to-dos a priority.
Earlier this year I put together a list of fun family activities that I hoped to use for family date night at least once a month. We haven't gone through many of our ideas yet, mostly because it's been cold and we've been trying to keep Emmy healthy and warm. Now that the weather is better and we're able to get out more, we've been doing something fun as a family at least once a week. I take the kids on an outing by myself at least once a week as well. No matter what we choose to do for family fun, going out with two young kids is always an adventure.
My role as a mother is so different that I always dreamed it would be. I've watched my own mom, my friends and other moms around me for years and I guess I had put together some sort of picture in my head of what motherhood would look like. Being a mom has been a million times harder than I ever thought it would be and has exceeded my wildest dreams all at the same time. Some days I can't wait for bedtime to get here and others I feel like I never want to hang out with anyone other than my little family. It's a crazy road this parenting thing. I'm so glad that I chose the man that I did to be my partner on this journey.
I've always had dreams of enjoying a big breakfast together as a family every Saturday or Sunday morning. Waking up to the smell of pancakes and eggs on the weekend was one of my favorite parts of growing up. We also had hot cereal every Sunday morning because it was quick and kept us full through church meetings. Unfortunately, rotating church times and our Saturday work schedules over the years have prevented this from becoming a regular tradition in our little family. Then a few weeks ago I saw someone mention that they have one night a week set aside to eat breakfast for dinner and I realized that was the answer to all of my problems!
It has been seven months since we left the NICU but I still think about it often. Is it weird to say that I miss that place? How could someone miss having half of your heart at home with the toddler and the other half in the hospital with your tiny little one? Those three weeks were definitely some of the hardest in our lives but also some of the best. I cried more tears during those weeks than I have at any other time in my life, and while some of them were tears of anger, frustration or sadness, quite a few of them were tears of joy.
Date night doesn't always have to be exciting and adventurous. There was nothing glamorous about our date this past weekend, but we accomplished something together, ended the night with some quality time together and we won't have to spend as much time cleaning every night each week to catch up, so we'll be able to spend more time together after the kids go to bed in future weeks.
Do you sometimes feel like the love in your marriage has gone into hibernation? Like it's dormant and not really everything that it was in the earlier days of your relationship? Spring is the perfect time to revive your love and breathe life into your marriage again! This winter has felt especially long for us as we've adjusted to life with two kids under two years old and tried to keep them both healthy. We haven't gone on very many outings and we went almost two months without a kid free date.
I made it a goal this year to send Joe more messages that were fun and nonsensical rather than things like, 'Can you pick up milk on your way home?' or 'Guess who is boycotting nap time again'. I like to share snippets of our day with him, funny little things that Bensen says or a cute picture of the fun thing we are up to. I also like to let him know that I miss him and can't wait for him to get home, not just because 'the toddler won't nap and I really need you to come home and spell me off before I go insane!!' but because like back when we were dating, I enjoy his company and look forward to spending time together at the end of each day.
We do our best to take advantage of every moment that we have together, just the two of us, but with two little ones who rely on us, distractions happen and that time together gets interrupted. That's why, because our marriage is important and because we are working to better our marriage, there is one thing that we strive to do often. We make it a priority to spend time away from the kids together.
Every couple has big conversations before they get engaged and married (I hope)! These conversations involve things like future family plans, financial goals and habits, expectations, etc. But the truth is, no matter what you talk about before you get married, you can't anticipate every situation that life is going to bring your way. It would be ideal if you had a plan for everything going into your marriage, but that just isn't possible. Every stage of life comes with new challenges and although you can plan for a lot of them, the details aren't always in your control.
Just as date night is important for your marriage and one on one time with your children is important for your parenting relationship, regular family time is important too! Spending time together as a family builds memories and strengthens relationships. In addition to making date night a priority, I try to make family time a priority as well.
For the last few years, we've put together a bucket list at the beginning of every year. This bucket list is different than what you'd normally picture when you think of a bucket list. Our bucket list is filled with things that we want to do for date night in the coming year. Obviously, there are a lot of things that a couple can do together on date night, so how do you determine which activities to include on your bucket list?
Being a newlywed is exciting. The memory of your wedding is still fresh in your mind, you've most likely just got back from honeymoon, and your married life stretches out ahead of you.
While you can definitely coast on the joy and fun of your wedding for a while, the newlywed period is also prime time for strengthening your marriage. If you get into good habits now, your marriage will start off on the right foot and you'll be building in strength from day one. If you're a newlywed, here are some ideas to keep your marriage strong.
In addition to the goals that I set on my own, Joe and I set goals together to improve our marriage. The first time I talked about this on social media, a lot of people said that the concept of setting goals together wasn't something they'd thought about doing before. So I thought I'd start off the new year sharing some tips to help you set goals as a couple!
"I love you" is something you tell your husband multiple times a day. But telling him isn't the only way you can or should express your love. You have to show your husband that you love him--and show it in ways he'll truly appreciate.
I used to think marriage was give and take. It's a phrase used in everyday conversation, especially when talking with those who may be dealing with marriage issues. It's a good concept. You give fifty percent into your marriage, and you take fifty percent from your marriage. But if that's your attitude, you won't be happy for long.
The one thing that I never have to worry about with Emmy is her safety while she sleeps. We take the appropriate precautions, laying her on her back, not putting pillows or fluffy blankets with her, etc. but any mother will tell you that even after all that, they usually still worry about their little one.
I'm in the middle of watching the entire Gilmore Girls series for the umpteenth time. I finished it a few months ago but wanted to watch it one more time through before the new episodes are released later this month. I also haven't found anything else that's binge worthy on Netflix at the moment. This last time through, I made notes in my phone any time something happened and I thought, "That's a good relationship lesson"! It's funny, because the two leading ladies in the show seem to be spraying themselves with some sort of marriage repellent, BUT I still managed to find nine things that stood out to me as something that could be applied in a romantic relationship!
When I was first married someone told me that once my husband and I had children we wouldn’t be as close to one another because our kids would be more important than our marriage. I thought this was a weird thing to say to a newly married couple, but I put it out of my head until after we had children. After the birth of my son, two years ago, I remembered what that person had said to us and I really thought about if it was true and I realized our children have changed our marriage but not always in the ways that I thought they would.
I had so many plans to get things done last Saturday but the perfect weather and my cute family made it hard to want to be a productive human being. I've been wanting to make these cookie bars for weeks but always convinced myself that I was too busy to take the time. I finally decided that Saturday would be the perfect time and that I could include Bensen in my fun.
When I think about boundaries, I think about setting boundaries to protect your marriage from outside forces. It turns out that you have to protect your marriage from within and essentially, from yourselves first. In order to for the relationship to change, the people in it must change. You can't change your spouse, no matter how or what you're trying to change about them. You have to change your own person if you want your relationship to change.
I think every parent out there can agree that the six weeks following the birth of your child are some of the most chaotic, exhausting and rewarding weeks of your life. They are also the weeks when it is easy to let your marriage take the backseat because there is so much going on and your priorities are elsewhere. If you don't make effort to keep your relationship going, before you know it, your kids will be grown and gone and you won't know the person that you are married to as anything more than your partner in parenting. For this reason, I believe that those weeks after you add a new little one to your family are some of the most crucial for your marriage.
I was nervous leading up to Emmy's birth because I wasn't sure how he would react to having a sister and not being the center of attention in our home anymore. Change is always going to come with challenges, especially when it disrupts a child's routine and sense of normal. What we did worked for our situation in particular and I hope that at least one or two of these ideas will help your family as well. Luckily, he seems to really love her a lot, she's the first thing he wants to check on when he wakes up and he's always asking to see her.
With a preemie in the hospital and a toddler at home, we have every reason not to go on dates right now, but because our marriage is a priority and we want to make sure we are spending time with each other, we have been determined to make date night happen. Date night is difficult when you're spending all of your time together at the hospital or at home after your toddler is in bed. I knew that because of how crazy life was and how limited our time together was, we needed to set aside time to date each other during our stay in the NICU. Spending a few hours together, uninterrupted and away from both of our kids was just what we needed to reconnect at the end of our long and exhausting weeks.
For me, the hardest part of having a preemie hasn't been the fact that she is in the NICU. The hardest thing for me those first few days was trying to find a good balance between life at home with Bensen, life in the hospital with Emmy, time with Joe and time spent taking care of myself. There were many tears shed and a lot of guilt while I tried to find that perfect schedule that would allow me to take care of each of the most important people in my life. It still takes a lot of planning and intentionality on a day to day basis to make things work, but for now, we've settled into a really good routine that works for everyone based on our current situation.
Now that I've had the experience of becoming a new parent twice, I've thought a lot about what I want to gift all of my friends as they welcome new additions to their family in the future. I'm always looking for a present that they'll love and that will make the transition to parenthood go more smoothly. Whether you are gifting to a couple who is welcoming their first little one or a couple who has already experienced the new parent thing once or twice, this is a gift basket that any expectant parent will appreciate and enjoy!
Our second baby was born at 32 weeks gestation. This is her birth story.
This post was going to be an update about how I'd been put on modified bed rest, what baby girl's room looks like right now and a few other things. Instead, I'm writing this post from a hospital bed, where I'm on total bed rest for anywhere from the next day or two to a couple of weeks. My doctor put me on modified bed rest at my appointment on Wednesday morning because I told her that I'd been contracting and feeling really uncomfortable.
It's no secret that we love our dog, Howie, and that he has been a huge part of our family in the three years that we've had him. As we've made different transitions in our life, we've worked hard to make those transitions easy for him and keep him as happy as possible. When we moved into our house, when we had our first child and now as we prepare for the birth of our second child, we have always kept his needs in mind to help make the transition as routine as possible.
One of the things that I've been thinking about lately is how mine and Joe's relationship is an example to our kids of what a marriage relationship looks like. Bensen listens to our conversations, watches us interact and has a front row seat every morning when Joe kisses goodbye on his way out the door. Whether I express these verbally or not, there are a few things that I hope our children learn about marriage from watching mine and Joe's.
Although we have a lot going on in our lives over the next couple of months, and not as many solid blocks of time as I'd like to have available to get away together for a Bensen free date, just the two of us, I know that we can still make time with each other a priority. I'm determined to have lots of, what I like to call, "date moments" after Bensen is in bed on weeknights or after our other commitments on the weekends.
Is pornography harmful to relationships? Can porn be helpful and spice up relationships? There is growing research that is backing up serious negative impacts of pornography habits while at the same time, society is becoming more open, accepting and sexualized. To make things more complicated, the multi billion dollar pornography industry continues to make a powerful push for pron to be accepted as mainstream. There are likely individuals and couples who watch porn and don't have serious side effects, but the risks and increasing negative impacts cannot be ignored.
One of my biggest parenting struggles over the past year has been creating a consistent daily routine for Bensen. This was especially difficult while I was in school because his schedule varied on a day to day basis depending on who was caring for him, how late Joe worked and how late I was in class or at my internship. I'm graduated now and we won't be participating in the back to school ritual with everyone else this fall, but it has been my goal over the last few months to create a solid daily routine. This toddler routine is also perfect for those of you who are already planning to get the kids back in the school routine.
A few weeks ago, I was listening to Josh Groban's 'In Her Eyes' on one of my morning commutes and it had me thinking. The same song rotated through my CD's again yesterday (I get bored of the radio not playing anything I like) and I was thinking again. I thought back on some of the moments from our weekend and wondered how I could make my husband feel like more of a hero. I realized that I may be diminishing his worth a bit or making him feel like less of a help in my life just by the things that I'm choosing to focus on, whether I voice them out loud to him or not.
