One of my and Joe’s favorite things is to have money conversations in our marriage. We love to talk about our budget and how much we need to save. What big purchase we’re going to save for next and how great of a deal have we gotten on something?
Even though we discuss our finances on almost a daily basis, sometimes we disagree on our budget or what the first priority is for our next big purchase. But the majority of the time, our money discussions are civil and even exciting. If you want to make your budget and everything money related a happy topic in your relationship; there are five questions that I think you should discuss and make sure you are on the same page when it comes to finances in your marriage.
Related: How to Make Combined Finances Work in Your Marriage
This is a discussion that I think is important to have before you get married. But if you’re married and haven’t talked about it, it’s not too late! For us, there was no question when it came to the decision to view any money we had as “ours” instead of “his” and “hers”. We’ve still found a way to handle personal spending. And neither of us feels tied down by our budget. Or the fact that we both know about every purchase that is made. Or that we don’t have as much freedom as we did when we were single and had nobody but us counting on our paycheck every month. If you’ve thought about combining your finances before but aren’t quite sure how to make it happen; Check out this post answering a lot of the questions about how to make combined finances work in marriage.
Related: Why You Should Combine Your Finances with Your Spouse’s
I might say that this is the most important money conversation you could have in marriage. This question is especially important if you plan to combine the finances in your marriage! In a post that I wrote a few years ago, I talked about a survey that found that 43% of individuals don’t know how much money their spouse makes. If you want to be able to budget properly and have no secrets when it comes to money, you need to know this fact about your spouse.
Even if you decide to split your finances and the expenses that you are responsible for as a couple, you’ll need to know how much your spouse can handle, what they are able to pay for, and what you’ll need to cover yourself. You may not know to the exact penny what each person’s paycheck is, but you should be able to give a pretty close estimate. This will help with your budget and planning for the future.
While we’re on the topic of futures, why don’t we talk about that? I know that when we were first married, we thought about our immediate future. And briefly talked about how we wanted to save for retirement. But it hasn’t been until things come up that we’ve gotten into these discussions even more. There is a potential for talk about the future to become heated if you’re discussing it in a stressful situation or when money is tight.
If you know from the beginning how you’ll handle those potentially stressful money situations, they’ll go more smoothly. How much do you want to have saved for retirement? Whether or not you want to pay for your children’s school. What vacations do you want to take and when? If life insurance is something that you feel would be beneficial for your family, etc. I wrote a post about the importance of preparing for your family’s financial future and what things you should be thinking about.
This is a loaded question, I know. But it’s probably one of the most important money conversations in marriage. Joe and I both had debt going into our marriage, but we set some very specific goals and were able to pay it all off a year and a half later. After we were done, we knew that we never wanted to be in debt again, other than for a house. We’ve decided that we will be paying cash for our next car, we don’t have balances on any of our store cards, and we were able to put me through school without going into debt.
That one decision not to be in debt has influenced how we save, how we spend, and how we prioritize our money. We’ve had things come up, like unexpected, big, house repairs and medical bills for a baby who came early and had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. Those things have been beyond our savings (which we’re working on) and have required a little debt, which we’ve hated. But have worked hard to pay it off as quickly as possible. Decide as a couple what you are and aren’t willing to go into debt for and use that to direct the rest of your discussions.
Related: Viewing Debt as ‘Ours’ vs. ‘Mine’ and ‘Yours’ in Marriage
Honestly, this wasn’t something I thought much about until I met and married Joe. I had store credit cards but wasn’t interested in getting a general credit card, I’d tried the envelope system once, but wasn’t a fan and I used my debit card to pay for everything. Joe’s passion and knowledge of finances opened my eyes to a lot of things after we got married. He has very strong opinions about having and using a credit card. And if you’ve ever listened to or read Dave Ramsey, you probably know what his opinion is. He even convinced me to give the envelope system another try and I ended up really liking it!
No matter where you’re at in your marriage, it’s not too late to have better conversations about your finances! We’ve been using the Family Finance Rescue course from Pennies Into Pearls to get back on the same page regarding our goals and our finances, after what has felt like years of not being able to get ahead. It has helped to improve the money conversations in our marriage, more than anything else
